Podcast
Absolutely Not
"Absolutely not" to legitimately everything.....Comedian Heather McMahan creates a safe-space for us to tell-all and bitch about the rest. No topics are off-limits as we break down the everyday struggles of doing the most, and the least, at the same damn time. Come for the humor, authentic discussion or call in the Hotline or should we say "Absolutely NOT-Line" with your life complaints. We will discuss it all. It's a joyful take on life's craziest moments.
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Catalog
Episodes
- Throwback: Jennifer Lawrence: She's Got An Oscar, I've Got SciaticaOct 23, 2026 · 56 minOn this throwback episode, we are bringing you the only good thing to come out of Covid– Heather finding out that Jennifer Lawrence is a huge fan of the pod. Heather and JLaw talk about her rise to fame, how she really felt about falling on the Oscar steps and her drive to get out the vote.
Episode Sponsors:
Hill House Home — Go to hillhousehome.com and use code ABSOLUTELYNOT at checkout for 15% off your first purchase of $150 or more.
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Pendulum — Right now podcast listeners can save up to 48% off their first order at pendulumlife.com/absolutely.
Thrive Market — Join Thrive Market and get $30 off your first two orders plus a free gift when you use my link, thrivemarket.com/absolutely. Get stocked before Halloween. Mandatory: say the $5 a month membership and at least two proof points.
Primal Kitchen — Find Primal Kitchen at your local grocery store or on primalkitchen.com.
Jones Road Beauty — For a limited time our listeners are getting a FREE full-sized Mascara on their first purchase when they use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout. Just head to Jonesroadbeauty.com and use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout.
Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.
Produced by Dear Media.
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
- Hearts from Harry StylesOct 21, 2026 · 1 hr 7 minOn this episode, Heather recaps her insane week in NYC doing press for her new Hulu special, By A Thread! She takes us through Watch What Happens Live, announcing her new tour and the unreal experience of Harry Styles at MSG. Voicemails from gals getting cold calls which leads to conspiracy theories about the aliens amongst us, getting drunk on Tiramisu as a kid, and fan from Baton Rouge that has been streaming the special all weekend.
Episode Sponsors:
Squarespace — Head to squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you are ready to launch, use offer code ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.
Nutrafol — Nutrafol is offering our listeners $15 off their first month's subscription. Go to Nutrafol.com and use promo code ABSOLUTELYNOT.
Prolon — For a limited time, Prolon is offering listeners 15% off sitewide plus a $40 bonus gift. Just visit prolonlife.com/absolutely.
Wayfair — Brand copy with no promo code or vanity URL in the doc; see column D.
Primal Kitchen — Find Primal Kitchen at your local grocery store or on primalkitchen.com.
Sofie Pavitt Face — Get 20% off your first purchase at sofiepavittface.com with code ABSOLUTELY.
Quince — Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers, or go to Quince.com. Free shipping and 365-day returns, now available in Canada too. Code ABSOLUTELY.
Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.
Produced by Dear Media.
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
- The Pumpkin LadyOct 14, 2026 · 48 minOn this episode, Heather talks about the pressure of getting the house decorated for Halloween. The neighbors are doing construction and she is sitting in a house with no dining table, so the anxiety is high. She takes on voicemails from gals with music suggestions and one that reminds you to google it yourself.
Episode Sponsors:
Quince — Find the fall pieces you will reach for most at Quince. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers, or go to Quince.com. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. And when Quince asks where you heard about them, let them know it was Absolutely Not.
Ro Body — Go to ro.co/absolutelynot to see if you qualify. Required legal: For side effects of GLP-1 medications, including Boxed Warning, go to ro.co/safety.
Sofie Pavitt Face — Get 20% off your first purchase at sofiepavittface.com with code ABSOLUTELY.
Bilt Rewards — Download the Bilt app and join the membership for where you live, at joinbilt.com/absolutely.
Mint Mobile — To get your new wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month, go to mintmobile.com/absolutely. Required disclaimer, read verbatim: $45 upfront payment required (equivalent to $15/mo.). New customers on first 3 month plan only. Speeds slower above 40GB on Unlimited plan. Additional taxes, fees and restrictions apply.
Thrive Market — Join Thrive Market today during their 25% off Bars, Snacks and Sips Sale, now through October 17th, plus get $30 off your first 2 orders and a free gift when you use my link.
Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.
Produced by Dear Media.
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
- Bonus: Call Nancy Grace, Not Me!Oct 9, 2026 · 50 minOn this bonus episode, Heather is excited to share extra Absolutely Not’s that people from her Atlanta show wrote in. She tackles people's critiques about the new pod refresh and reminds everyone that she is not a crime junkie.
Episode Sponsors:
Hill House Home — Visit hillhousehome.com and use code ABSOLUTELYNOT at checkout.
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Thrive Market — Get $30 off your first two orders at thrivemarket.com/absolutely with promo code ABSOLUTELY. It offsets the annual membership cost.
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Goodwipes - Want a free pack of Goodwipes? Buy any two packs, text your receipt, and get reimbursed for one. Head to goodwipes.com/ABSOLUTELY.
Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.
Produced by Dear Media.
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
- Think 8 Steps AheadOct 7, 2026 · 1 hr 4 minOn this episode, Heather welcomes everyone to the new studio! It’s a fresh start, but we are still fired up. She chats about her upcoming shows, the Plague and of course, Gypsy Rose. We hear voicemails about women's hotel room safety, a girl who goes on an audition, and on that asks the questions: how did millennials used to pick up on trends without social media?
Episode Sponsors:
Zales — Find your next favorite piece at zales.com, or at a Zales store near you.
Squarespace — Head to squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you are ready to launch, use offer code ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.
Nutrafol — Get $10 off your first month's subscription plus free shipping when you visit nutrafol.com and enter promo code ABSOLUTELYNOT.
BetterHelp — Visit betterhelp.com/absolutely. BetterHelp works with more than 125 health plan networks, and eligible members have an average copay of just $23 per session with insurance. No insurance, or outside the US? You can still get 10% off your first month.
Merit Beauty — Right now Merit Beauty is offering our listeners their signature makeup bag free with your first order at meritbeauty.com.
Knix — Head to knix.com and use code ABSOLUTELY for 15% off your order.
Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.
Produced by Dear Media.
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
- Body by Butter with Cortney LaCorteSep 30, 2026 · 1 hr 3 minOn this episode, Heather welcomes Cortney LaCorte, the original Cheese Gal, from Nashville. Her first cook book, Oversharing, is now a NY Times best selling cookbook. They chat about their love of martinis, umami flavors and a death row meal. You will definitely get hungry listening to this. They take voicemails from people who hate a boring party, people who bring extra guests and their thoughts on a potluck.
Episode Sponsors:
Cash App — Download Cash App today and make your money work for you. New customers can earn $10 by using code CASHAPP10 at signup and sending $5 to a friend within 14 days. Terms apply. Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App's bank partner(s). Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, member FDIC.
Pendulum — Save up to 48% off your first order at pendulumlife.com/absolutely
Hill House Home — Visit hillhousehome.com and use code ABSOLUTELYNOT at checkout for 20% off your first purchase of $150 or more.
Wacoal — Visit wacoal.com and use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout for 10% off your first purchase. New customers only, limit one code per customer.
Sofie Pavitt Face — Get 20% off your first purchase at sofiepavittface.com with code ABSOLUTELY.
Mint Mobile — Cut your wireless bill to $15 a month at mintmobile.com/absolutely
Merit Beauty — Get Merit's signature makeup bag free with your first order at meritbeauty.com
Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.
Produced by Dear Media.
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
- Ole Miss By A MillionSep 23, 2026 · 1 hr 1 minOn this episode, Heather is back after a weekend in Mississippi and fighting for her life with her weekly sinus infection. She chats about ladies in the Delta, the Ole Miss Game as well as saying goodbye to the office studio. We have cruise updates and how she is ramping up for her special press tour. She has callers with chatty masseuses, nail issues, as well as some single guy friends who are coming on the cruise.
Episode Sponsors:
Find the fall pieces you’ll reach for most at Quince. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers, or go to Quince.com/absolutely. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK, too.
Head to https://www.squarespace.com/absolutely to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code absolutely
Right now, Nutrafol is offering our listeners $10 off your first month’s subscription and free shipping when you visit Nutrafol.com and enter promo code ABSOLUTELYNOT.
Just visit ProlonLife.com/absolutely to claim your 15% discount and your bonus gift.
Go to ButcherBox.com/absolutely to get $20 off your first box, plus your choice of free ribeye, new york strip, or filet mignon in every box for a year — with free shipping always.
Download the Bilt app and join the membership for where you live, at joinbilt.com/absolutely. Use our link so they know we sent you.
Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.
Produced by Dear Media.
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
- Return of Baby Angel: Connor WoodSep 18, 2026 · 1 hr 5 minOn this replay episode from March 2024, Heather welcomes Conor Wood to Absolutely Not and gives him some sage advice before he sets out on his first tour. Now a few years later, he has grown from Fibula to Dancing with the Stars.
Episode Sponsors:
Join Thrive Market today during their 25% off Healthy Reset Sale now through September 19th! PLUS get $30 off your first 2 orders when you use my link ThriveMarket.com/absolutely. These offers stack so sign up before the sale ends.
Visit hillhousehome.com and use code ABSOLUTELYNOT at checkout for 20% off your first purchase of $150 or more.
Go to ButcherBox.com/absolutely to get $20 off your first box, plus your choice of free ribeye, new york strip, or filet mignon in every box for a year — with free shipping always.
Download the Bilt app and join the membership for where you live, at joinbilt.com/absolutely. Use our link so they know we sent you.
Go to https://zbiotics.com/absolutely and use ABSOLUTELY at checkout for 15% off any first time orders of ZBiotics probiotics.
Visit OliveandJune.com/ABSOLUTELY20 for 20% off your first System!
Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.
Produced by Dear Media.
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
- Quiet on the Creek with Justin SylvesterSep 16, 2026 · 1 hr 6 minOn this episode, Heather welcomes Justin Slyvester to the pod post Emmys! After doing it up all night at the after parties, they kiki about how he got his start as a “lady-sitter” at crazy southern weddings, his cross-country move to be Kyle Richards assistant, and how they were both up for the co-hosting job at the Today Show. They get to your voicemails and chat about their love of taking fabulous vacations with rich white ladies.
Episode Sponsors:
Visit WACOAL.com and use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout for 10% off your first purchase. Offer valid for new customers only. Limit one code per customer.
Sign up and get 10% off at BetterHelp.com/absolutely.
Go to RO.CO/absolutelynot to see if you qualify.
Join Wayfair Rewards today and get five percent back on every purchase. Head to Wayfair.com or shop the Wayfair app for all things home.
Want a free pack of Goodwipes? Buy any two packs, text your receipt, and get reimbursed for one. Head to goodwipes.com/ABSOLUTELY.
For a limited time, save 20% on your first subscription order of AG1 Essentials at DRINKAG1.com/ABSOLUTELY.
Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.
Produced by Dear Media.
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
- Honey Deuce DivaSep 9, 2026 · 48 minOn this episode, Heather is coming to you from the NYC studio fresh off some press interviews for her new special. She chats about her amazing day at the US Open as well as getting into fights with boomers. She takes voicemails about boys at the gym, Facebook marketplace finds and is left with a very serious question, Where Is Megan?!
Episode Sponsors:
Find the fall pieces you’ll reach for most at Quince. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers, or go to Quince.com/absolutely. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK, too.
Head to https://www.squarespace.com/absolutely to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code absolutely.
Right now, Nutrafol is offering our listeners $10 off your first month’s subscription and free shipping when you visit Nutrafol.com and enter promo code ABSOLUTELYNOT.
Go to ButcherBox.com/absolutely to get $20 off your first box, plus your choice of free ribeye, new york strip, or filet mignon in every box for a year — with free shipping always.
Download the Bilt app and join the membership for where you live, at joinbilt.com/absolutely.
Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.
Produced by Dear Media.
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
- Caucasian Chicken SaladSep 2, 2026 · 1 hr 1 minOn this episode, Heather is panicked after the passing of Dolly Parton and Tim Curry and is worried about who will be next. She is buying deep freezers, life straws and searching for sustainable beef. She takes voicemails from people wondering what we can eat, being a type B person, and a newlywed with some questions. We get a final voicemail that brings Heather to realization that we all need to stop bitching.
Episode Sponsors:
Go to ButcherBox.com/absolutely to get $20 off your first box, plus your choice of free ribeye, new york strip, or filet mignon in every box for a year — with free shipping always.
Right now, Merit Beauty is offering our listeners their Signature Makeup Bag – which if you’ve seen it, it’s not just a make-up bag but really an accessory – free with your first order at meritbeauty.com.
Right now, podcast listeners can save up to 48% off their first order at pendulumlife.com/ABSOLUTELY.
Visit drinksilentflower.com/golf-widow and use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout for 15% off your first order.
Just visit ProlonLife.com/absolutely to claim your 15% discount and your bonus gift.
Visit WACOAL.com and use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout for 10% off your first purchase. Offer valid for new customers only. Limit one code per customer.
Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.
Produced by Dear Media.
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
- Rewind: We Know What She Did Last Summer with Jennifer Love HewittAug 28, 2026 · 57 minOn this episode from July 3rd, 2019 Heather sits down with Jeff’s biggest crush of all time, Jennifer Love Hewitt. They discuss how she went from Kids Incorporated to a top Hollywood producer and all around bad bitch. They talk about love, grief, family and laugh through the pain of Hollywood.
Episode Sponsors:
Visit WACOAL.com and use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout for 10% off your first purchase. Offer valid for new customers only. Limit one code per customer.
Goodwipes wants your booty to have a SCENTSATIONAL SUMMER! Buy any two packs of goodwipes at your favorite retailer, text them your receipt, and get reimbursed almost immediately for one of them. For more details, head to goodwipes.com/ABSOLUTELY.
Visit drinksilentflower.com/golf-widow and use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout for 15% off your first order
Upgrade your everyday. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers, or go to Quince.com/absolutely. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK, too.
Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.
Produced by Dear Media.
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
- Where’s the Beef with Logan CrosbyAug 26, 2026 · 1 hr 17 minOn this episode, Heather is joined by one of her favorites, Logan Crosby. Logan will be joining us on the cruise again this year, but he also has his own new music that he is super excited about. While celebrating almost one year sober, Logan talks about how life has changed since the last time on the pod. They chat about the Clermont Lounge, senior pranks as well as the controversial Callaway golf ad.
Episode Sponsors:
Upgrade your everyday. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers, or go to Quince.com.absolutely. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK, too.
Ready for your own reset? For a limited time, Prolon is offering listeners 15% off sitewide plus a $40 bonus gift when you subscribe to their 5-Day Program! Just visit ProlonLife.com/absolutely to claim your 15% discount and your bonus gift.
Download the Bilt app and join the membership for where you live, at joinbilt.com/absolutely.
Download Cash App Today: https://click.cash.app/ui6m/0ygert8g #CashAppPod. Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App’s bank partner(s). Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC. Cash App Visa® Debit Flex Cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC, and The Bancorp Bank, N.A., pursuant to a license from Visa U.S.A. Inc. See terms and conditions for the Sutton prepaid card, Sutton debit flex card, and Bancorp debit flex card. Cash App Green features, Savings, Direct deposit, Round ups, Overdraft coverage and Discounts provided by Cash App, a Block, Inc. brand. Visit cash.app/legal/podcast for full disclosures.
Head to myGoldenChild.com/Absolutely and save up to 20% when you subscribe.
Find Primal Kitchen dressings, sauces, and condiments at your local grocery store or on Primalkitchen.com. Primal Kitchen - made for real food.
For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering our listeners $10 off your first month’s subscription and free shipping when you visit Nutrafol.com and enter promo code ABSOLUTELYNOT.
Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.
Produced by Dear Media.
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
- Say What? It’s the 400th!Aug 19, 2026 · 1 hr 11 minOn this episode, Heather celebrates the 400th episode of the podcast. She is confused about how this is not the 4000th. Christina (aka Tina) joins in with some games and memories from over the years of working together on Absolutely Not.
Episode Sponsors:
Head to https://www.squarespace.com/absolutely to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code absolutely.
Join Wayfair Rewards today to get 5% back on every purchase and start saving on your next home upgrade.
Visit hillhousehome.com and use code ABSOLUTELYNOT at checkout for 20% off your first purchase of $150 or more.
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Visit DRINKAG1.com/ABSOLUTELY to grab the NEW AG1 Essentials Gummies today!
To get your new wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month, go to MINTMOBILE.com/ABSOLUTELY.
Go to ButcherBox.com/absolutely to get $20 off your first box, plus your choice of free ground beef for life, or free chicken thighs or top sirloins in every box for a year —with free shipping always.
Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.
Produced by Dear Media.
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
- Bonus: Heathers Stick Together with Heather ShawAug 14, 2026 · 1 hr 20 minOn this bonus episode, Heather welcomes Heather Shaw to the studio. Shaw is most known for her uncanny Jim Carrey impression and being vegan and sober. These two outspoken broads chat about if that was really Jim on the carpet a few months ago, the illuminati and other conspiracies. She is currently on the road and you can watch her special, Alright, See Ya!, on Youtube.
Episode Sponsors:
To get your new wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month, go to MINTMOBILE.com/ABSOLUTELY.
Visit OliveandJune.com/ABSOLUTELY20 for 20% off your first System!
Download the Bilt app and join the membership for where you live, at joinbilt.com/absolutely.
Find Primal Kitchen dressings, sauces, and condiments at your local grocery store or on Primalkitchen.com. Primal Kitchen - made for real food.
Visit Carawayhome.com/NOT10 to take an additional 10% off your next purchase.
Visit WACOAL.com and use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout for 10% off your first purchase. Offer valid for new customers only. Limit one code per customer.
Right now, podcast listeners can save up to 48% off their first order at pendulumlife.com/ABSOLUTELY.
Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.
Produced by Dear Media.
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
- Rush HourAug 13, 2026 · 1 hr 13 minOn this episode, Heather has just come back from an Ole Miss visit and is flying high from Rush work week. She is feeling nostalgic helping a friend’s kid move into the dorms, getting roped into Rush Tok, and figuring out that parents these days just love their kids more.
Episode Sponsors:
Upgrade your everyday. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers, or go to Quince.com/absolutely. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK, too.
Go to Ro.co/ABSOLUTELYNOT to see if you qualify.
Download Polymarket and use code ABSOLUTELY to get $20 to trade when you make a qualifying $10 deposit.. #polymarketpartner
Use my link ThriveMarket.com/absolutely to get $30 off your first two orders PLUS an extra 25% off during the End of Summer Sale.
Visit resortpass.com/absolutely to get $20 off your first booking of $100 or more.
Go to https://zbiotics.com/ABSOLUTELY and use ABSOLUTELY at checkout for 15% off any first time orders of ZBiotics probiotics.
Visit drinksilentflower.com/golf-widow and use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout for 15% o your first order.
Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.
Produced by Dear Media.
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
- Home Goods HighAug 5, 2026 · 59 minOn this episode, Heather is feeling the stress of “back to school”, and per usual she didn’t do her summer reading. She gets her energy out with Robin at a Home Goods that would convince any non shoppers to try it out. Voicemails from teachers, that first workout back, why everything has protein and what is up with asking for a coast lawyer.
Episode Sponsors:
Head to https://www.squarespace.com/absolutely to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code absolutely.
For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering our listeners $10 off your first month’s subscription and free shipping when you visit Nutrafol.com and enter promo code ABSOLUTELYNOT.
Download the Bilt app and join the membership for where you live, at joinbilt.com/absolutely. Use our link so they know we sent you.
See the reviews, see what stands out, and see if BetterHelp is right for you. Visit Betterhelp.com/absolutely.
Upgrade your everyday. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers, or go to Quince.com/absolutely. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK, too.
Visit drinksilentflower.com/golf-widow and use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout for 15% off your first order.
Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.
Produced by Dear Media.
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
- Gout GirlJul 29, 2026 · 1 hr 15 minOn this episode, Heather is hitting summer hard, but paying for it. We learn what the Doctor has diagnosed her with, the feelings seeing a Noah Kahan concert brought up and how life as a homeowner is starting out. We get iconic voicemails that are Absolutely Not going to disappoint.
Episode Sponsors:
Visit hillhousehome.com and use code absolutely at checkout for 20% off your first purchase.
Give your skin the affordable, luxurious glow up it deserves. Go to Naturium.com/ABSOLUTELY for 10% off your first purchase today.
Join Wayfair Rewards today to get 5% back on every purchase and start saving on your next home upgrade.
Visit resortpass.com/absolutely to get $20 off your first booking of $100 or more.
Visit drinksilentflower.com/golf-widow and use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout for 15% o your first order
Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.
Produced by Dear Media.
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
- Forecast: Hot Takes!Jul 22, 2026 · 1 hr 10 minOn this episode, Heather is on a tear after some heated meetings as well as cancelled flights. While she had to miss the World Cup due to her own flight being canceled, she is here to teach everyone about flight etiquette. She chats about critics of The Odyssey, Lindsey Graham’s ladybugs, and how Jeff is turning off every light now that they are homeowners. Heather takes on the voicemails and reminds everyone that we got this.
Episode Sponsors:
Go to Quince.com/absolutely for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too.
Check out https://www.squarespace.com/absolutely to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code absolutely.
For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering our listeners $10 off your first month’s subscription and free shipping when you visit Nutrafol.com and enter promo code ABSOLUTELYNOT.
Visit ProlonLife.com/absolutely to claim your 15% discount and your bonus gift.
Head to myGoldenChild.com/Absolutely and save up to 20% when you subscribe.
Visit resortpass.com/absolutely to get $20 off your first booking of $100 or more.
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- Throwback: No Snackin’ in the BackJul 20, 2026 · 1 hr 23 minOn this replay episode from November 2, 2022 Heather is back from taping her first special, Son I Never Had, in Lexington, Kentucky. She is full of gratitude as well as adrenaline after filming. Son I Never Had is now available to stream on Hulu and to watch for free on Youtube!
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Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.
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- Pitbull & Miss WorldwideJul 15, 2026 · 1 hr 10 minOn this episode, Heather is back from one of the most insane weekends of her life. Manifested so hard that she ended up in Hyde Park with Pitbull breaking a world record for most bald caps! She chats about how emotional it was to see the Bald-es as well as meeting Armando. She also details the rest of the weekend in London from Wimbledon to Kesha. Be sure to watch Youtube for an exclusive surprise
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Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.
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- Heavy Flow in PortofinoJul 8, 2026 · 1 hr 9 minOn this episode, Heather is back from Europe and shares the highs, lows, and heavy flows of her anniversary vacation including the story of finally securing The Bag in Paris. She explains why sometimes you just have to do it for the plot and how a decade of dressing as Pitbull led to a surreal full-circle moment.
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- Memories with James AbrahartJul 1, 2026 · 1 hr 8 minOn this episode, Heather is in LA and brings one of her oldest friends from childhood, James Abrahart to the pod. JHart is an award winning music producer, singer and reality star. Their lore starts in James’ parents basement where they used to create rap albums and eat way too many Pubsubs. They chat about their wild childhood neighbors of Whitney Houston and T-Boz, as well as them being the first “Lonely Island”. His new single, Memories, is out now.
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Go to lululemon.com right now. New styles drop all the time and the colors go fast, so don’t wait. And if something doesn’t work for you, free returns, always.
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Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.
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- Replay: No Passport, No ProblemJun 26, 2026 · 1 hrOn this replay episode from June 15, 2022 she is getting ready for her wedding in Italy, and fast forward to 2026 her and Jeff are on their way to Florence for their anniversary. You’ll hear Heather have a mental breakdown from the complete shitshow that has been her wedding prep. You’ll see that she has turned into one of THOSE brides and is ready to tell everyone to fuck off all while losing brain cells in her sauna bag in the basement. Not much has changed!
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- American TouristJun 24, 2026 · 1 hr 4 minOn this episode, Heather is coming to you all live from a fabulous hotel in Florence, Italy where she and Jeff are celebrating their wedding anniversary. She starts off the pod chatting about her big move without one very important person- Robin. Heather chats about how Off Campus has changed her brain chemistry. She brings us up to speed about her first days of travel to Italy and how American tourists can achieve il dolce far niente.
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- Di-ancé with Rosebud BakerJun 17, 2026 · 55 minOn this episode, Heather welcomes Rosebud Baker back to the podcast. Rosebud has been busy since the last cruise. She now has a 2 year old daughter, is getting divorced and even had time to write a book! Fully Baked is a memoir that tackles family tragedy, motherhood, addiction all with honesty and humor. She also chats about her time and her departure from SNL.
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Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.
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- Have What It Takes with Sharon McMahonJun 12, 2026 · 38 minOn this bonus episode, Heather continues her conversation with Sharon McMahon, covering a hypothetical run for office, a special tribute in Heather's act, and the story behind the “I Love Sharon McMahon” billboards.
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Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.
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- WTF Government with Sharon McMahonJun 10, 2026 · 52 minOn this episode, Heather welcomes America’s government teacher, Sharon McMahon. They chat about their shared last name, lake life in Minnesota, and of course WTF is going on with our country and government. Sharon breaks Heather’s questions down in a way that anyone with extreme ADHD can understand.
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Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.
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- Know The AssignmentJun 3, 2026 · 1 hr 11 minOn this episode, Heather is back in ATL after shooting her 3rd special in Knoxville, TN. She chats about the crazy audience members, going through a McDonalds drive-thru, how she was booking a vacation while she should’ve been concentrating on her special. It’s been a long weekend, and the next few days she will be kicking her heels up. She takes on some of the most unhinged voicemails to date and is beginning to think her hotline number is definitely in a Pilot gas station bathroom stall.
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Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.
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- Tour Trials & Tribulations with Andrew Collin, Raymond Padilla and Christina TompkinsMay 27, 2026 · 1 hr 8 minOn this episode, Heather brings the road dogs to the studio to give us all an in-depth recap of tour life. Andrew, Raymond, Christina and Heather reminisce about their favorite cities, toughest shows, the origin of Texas Tony and someone's reliance on Recticare.
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- Bonus: Conspiracy Theory Hot TakesMay 22, 2026 · 40 minOn this bonus episode, Heather is excited to chat about conspiracy theories. Last week we gave you a prompt about your favorite theories. We spiral on the missing scientists, data centers, lost planes, the moon landing, the Antarctic ice wall and finding love with aliens.
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Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.
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- F*ck Yo CouchMay 20, 2026 · 49 minOn this episode, Heather is coming to you from the new NYC Dear Media studios. Fresh off the heels of Netflix is a Joke, she has some explaining to do about her show in LA. She got to see friends and foes alike! We get voicemails from women buying $20 panties and girlies having a cruise reunion at the special taping.
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Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.
Produced by Dear Media.
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- Ole Miss Divas with Jay JurdenMay 13, 2026 · 1 hr 11 minOn this episode Heather brings hilarious comedian and friend Jay Jurden to the pod. Jay and Heather go all the way back to the undergrad theatre department at Ole Miss. They reminisce about their hate for Lane Kiffin, being a theatre major together and how their paths lead them to Netflix is a Joke festival. You can catch Jay’s latest special, Yes Ma’am, on Hulu.
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Stop settling for wines that don't quite hit the mark. Head to TryFirstleaf.com/absolutely to sign up and you'll get fifty percent off your first box PLUS free shipping for an entire year.
Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.
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- Replay: Life's a SprintMay 8, 2026 · 1 hr 9 minOn this replay episode, Heather tells us what really happened at Netflix is a Joke in 2024. She gives a full recap of her time in Golden state and spills the tea from the comedy shows, after parties and more! She opens up about how her life has felt like a sprint and she just made it through the finish line, yet feels hungry for more. She also answers some of the best Absolutely Not's and Yes's we've had to date!
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Give your skin the affordable, luxurious glow up it deserves. Go to Naturium.com/ABSOLUTELY for 10% off your first purchase today.
Ready for your own reset? For a limited time, Prolon is offering Absolutely Not listeners 15% off sitewide plus a $40 bonus gift when you subscribe to their 5-Day Program! Just visit ProlonLife.com/absolutely to claim your 15% discount and your bonus gift.
This year, give Mom a gift that helps her reflect on her life with fresh perspective—and gives your whole family the gift of her stories. Mother's Day is Sunday, May 10th. Order RIGHT NOW and save up to $20 at STORYWORTH.com/absolutely.
Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.
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- Mean but True with Suzanne LambertMay 6, 2026 · 1 hr 2 minOn this episode, Heather welcomes Suzanne Lambert to the podcast to chat about all things growing up in Georgia, the drama of politics and spray tans. The commiserate about sorority life, hotties in the senate, and Connecticut Karen’s.
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Head to https://www.squarespace.com/absolutely to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code absolutely.
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Wake up with clearer skin, smoother hair, and cooler sleep. Use code ABSOLUTELY for an extra 30% off at blissy.com/ABSOLUTELY.
Head to Knix.com and you’ll see why I love Knix. Don’t forget to use code ABSOLUTELY for 15 percent off your order – get leakproof undies, amazing bras, and more! You’re going to thank me!
Right now, Merit Beauty is offering our listeners their Signature Makeup Bag with your first order at meritbeauty.com.
Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.
Produced by Dear Media.
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- We’ll Cry In JuneApr 29, 2026 · 1 hr 16 minOn this episode, Heather is in full overstimulation mode as she juggles work chaos, no WiFi, and a rogue bird. She explains why “we’ll cry in June” has become her current life motto and is ready to launch a full investigation into the missing scientists. She then gets to your calls about birth conspiracies, offline shopping problems, and frat formals.
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Head to Biologica.com/ABSOLUTELY to take their Quick Hormonal Life Stage Quiz to find the formula that’s right for you. And right now, subscribers can receive up to 32% off their purchase.
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Lululemon does limited color runs, so when those new styles drop every Tuesday, they go fast. You don't wanna wait. If it's not for you, lululemon offers free returns, no risk. That's lululemon.com.
Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.
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- Alternative ExperiencesApr 22, 2026 · 1 hr 10 minOn this episode, Heather is back from her unreal show at the Ryman Auditorium in Nashville. She chats about the afterparty on Broadway where she was pouring lemondrop shots for the girls where she is brought back to her days behind the sticks. After having a conspiracy dinner in the Turks, she came home to binge watch multiple documentaries. She takes voicemails from people with a workplace crush, a weird request from an uber driver, and someone looking for alternative experiences in their relationship.
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Refresh your spring wardrobe with Quince. Go to Quince.com/absolutely for free shipping and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too.
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Ready for your own reset? For a limited time, Prolon is offering Absolutely Not listeners 15% off sitewide plus a $40 bonus gift when you subscribe to their 5-Day Program! Just visit ProlonLife.com/absolutely.
Let your hair be one less thing to worry about. See visibly thicker, stronger, faster growing hair in 3–6 months with Nutrafol. For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering our listeners $10 off your first month’s subscription and free shipping when you visit Nutrafol.com and enter promo code ABSOLUTELYNOT.
Join the membership for where you live at joinbilt.com/absolutely.
Ready to do your own spring reset? Join Thrive Market with my link ThriveMarket.com/ABSOLUTELY for $20 off your first three orders plus you’ll get a FREE $60 gift.
Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.
Produced by Dear Media.
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
- Trying ConsistencyApr 15, 2026 · 1 hrOn this episode, Heather is down in the basement and going through a lot right now. Her fat kneecap is fat, but a visit to the Dr.’s office leads to hearing a missing puzzle piece about her Dad. She also chats about the Buff City Soap mafia coming for her. We hear voicemails from one of our Love on the Spectrum favorites, a mom debating about using her kid on TikTok and a royal family hater.
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Save 20% Off Honeylove by going to honeylove.com/ABSOLUTELY! #honeylovepod
Head to livemomentous.com, and use promo code absolutely for up to 35% off your first order
Visit yasso.com/ABSOLUTELY to enter and upgrade your freezer!!
Go to RO.CO/ABSOLUTELYNOT to see if you’re eligible for the new GLP-1 pill on Ro.
Here's the thing you need to know: lululemon does limited color runs, so when those new styles drop every Tuesday, they go fast. You don't wanna wait. If it's not for you, lululemon offers free returns, no risk. That's lululemon.com. New drops every Tuesday. Go now.
Learn more about Camp Unwritten under Limited-Time Offers at experiences.hyatt.com.
Help protect your home systems – and your wallet – with HomeServe against covered repairs. Plans start at just $4.99 a month. Go to HomeServe.com to find the plan that’s right for you. Not available everywhere. Most plans range between $4.99 to $11.99 a month your first year. Terms apply on covered repairs.
Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.
Produced by Dear Media.
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
- Replay: Master Scammers Part 2 with Raymond PadillaApr 10, 2026 · 53 minIn honor of Masters Week, we are replaying a 2023 episode where we join Heather as she sits down with the ultimate scammer, Raymond. We discuss how they scammed their way into the Masters tournament, yet again. It is an in-depth observation into the golf world that rarely few people get to see. They get into just how much merch they bought, how swollen their feet were and how many azaleas they really drank!
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Yasso awarded as product coupons. No purch necessary. Open to 50 US/DC, 18+. Ends 11:59pm ET 4/30. Rules: Yasso.com/ABSOLUTELY
Right now, Merit Beauty is offering our listeners their Signature Makeup Bag with your first order at meritbeauty.com.
Learn more about Camp Unwritten under Limited-Time Offers at experiences.hyatt.com.
Ready to do your own spring reset? Join Thrive Market with my link ThriveMarket.com/ABSOLUTELY for $20 off your first three orders plus you’ll get a FREE $60 gift.
Sign up now and Acorns will boost your new account with a $5 bonus investment. Join the over 14 million all-time customers who have already saved and invested over $27 billion dollars with Acorns. Head to acorns.com/absolutely or download the Acorns app to get started.
Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.
Produced by Dear Media.
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
- Big Bold Bitches with Becky RobinsonApr 8, 2026 · 1 hr 2 minOn this episode, Heather welcomes Becky Robinson back to the podcast studio after breaking the hard news that Becky cannot join us on the Absolutely Knot Cruise 2.0. They chat about the happy memories from the cruise. Becky lets us know how she lets loose when she comes home from the road.
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When life feels overwhelming, therapy can help. Sign up and get 10% off at BetterHelp.com/absolutely.
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Let your hair be one less thing to worry about. See visibly thicker, stronger, faster growing hair in 3–6 months with Nutrafol. For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering our listeners $10 off your first month’s subscription and free shipping when you visit Nutrafol.com and enter promo code ABSOLUTELYNOT.
Wake up with clearer skin, smoother hair, and cooler sleep. Use code ABSOLUTELY for an extra 30% off at blissy.com/ABSOLUTELY
Caraway’s cookware set is a favorite for a reason, it can save you up to $230 versus buying the items individually. Plus, if you visit Carawayhome.com/NOT10 you can take an additional 10% off your next purchase. Caraway. Non-Toxic kitchenware made modern.
Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.
Produced by Dear Media.
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
- Spring Break Guardian AngelsApr 1, 2026 · 1 hr 16 minOn this episode, Heather is at the LA studio and welcoming her first live callers! These hussies really bring some wild spring break Absolutely Not’s to Heather and we are forever changed! We have callers that were down at the Villages, on a hetero bachelor party in Baltimore, wheelin’ and dealin’ in Daytona as a newly crowned amateur stripper, a near miss on girls gone wild Gen Xer and someone who voluntarily went on a Greyhound for over 24 hours.
Episode Sponsors:
Join the loyalty program for renters at joinbilt.com/absolutely. Make sure to use our URL so they know we sent you.
Save 20% Off Honeylove by going to honeylove.com/ABSOLUTELY! #honeylovepod
Learn more about Camp Unwritten under Limited-Time Offers at experiences.hyatt.com.
Visit yasso.com/absolutely to enter and upgrade your freezer! Find full giveaway details, rules, and regulations. Yasso awarded as product coupons. No purchase necessary. Open to 50 US/DC, 18+. Ends 11:59pm ET 4/30. Rules: Yasso.com/ABSOLUTELY
Ready for your own reset? For a limited time, Prolon is offering Absolutely Not listeners 15% off sitewide plus a $40 bonus gift when you subscribe to their 5-Day Program! Just visit ProlonLife.com/absolutely to claim your 15% discount and your bonus gift.
Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.
Produced by Dear Media.
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
- Bonus: Arigato Gozaimasu with Jeff DanielsMar 27, 2026 · 59 minOn this episode, Heather welcomes Jeff to the studio to discuss all things Japan! They go through their wagyu dinner reservations, baseball with Ohtani, treats from 7-11 and overall Japanese culture. They give you everything you need to know before heading over to Japan for the first time.
Episode Sponsors:
Find Kahlúa Dunkin Caramel Swirl at retailers nationwide, including Walmart, Total Wine, Albertsons, Kroger, Ralphs, Safeway, BevMo, Publix, and more. Must be 21 or older to purchase. Please drink responsibly. For additional information, visit Kahlua.com and follow @Kahlua on Instagram.
Head to Knix.com and you’ll see why I love Knix. Don’t forget to use code ABSOLUTELY for 15 percent off your order – get leakproof undies, amazing bras, and more! You’re going to thank me!
Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.
Produced by Dear Media.
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
- Blonde BlindnessMar 25, 2026 · 1 hr 3 minOn this episode, Heather is back in Robin's Basement and ready to take on the chaos of the week. She has some exciting news about an upcoming live voicemails episode- make sure to take notes on how you can be chosen to chat with Heather. She has fresh highlights, lashes and is contemplating how a government shuts down. She chats about life as a tee ball mom as well as her newest internet troll.
Episode Sponsors:
Refresh your wardrobe with Quince. Go to Quince.com/absolutely for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too.
Ready for your own reset? For a limited time, Prolon is offering Absolutely Not listeners 15% off sitewide plus a $40 bonus gift when you subscribe to their 5-Day Program! Just visit ProlonLife.com/absolutely to claim your 15% discount and your bonus gift.
Find furniture, decor, and essentials that fit your unique style and budget. Head to Wayfair.com right now to shop all things home. Wayfair. Every style. Every home.
Get 15% off Branch Basics with the code ABSOLUTELY at https://branchbasics.com/ABSOLUTELY #branchbasicspod
Caraway’s cookware set is a favorite for a reason, it can save you up to $230 versus buying the items individually. Plus, if you visit Carawayhome.com/NOT10 you can take an additional 10% off your next purchase.
Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.
Produced by Dear Media.
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
- Consciously UnconsciousMar 19, 2026 · 1 hr 11 minOn this episode, Heather is back from Japan and has already put on her Nurse Ratchet outfit. There is no rest yet, she has to now take care of a toddler, figure out what to do with a frozen Christmas ham and get a surgery scheduled. She takes on voicemails about the origins of tiramisu and men holding their own baby showers.
Episode Sponsors:
Head to https://www.squarespace.com/absolutely to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code absolutely.
Caraway’s cookware set is a favorite for a reason, it can save you up to $230 versus buying the items individually. Plus, if you visit Carawayhome.com/NOT10 you can take an additional 10% off your next purchase.This deal is exclusive for our listeners. Caraway. Non-Toxic kitchenware made modern.
Join the loyalty program for renters at joinbilt.com/absolutely. Make sure to use our URL so they know we sent you.
Ready to make some healthy swaps and become a member? Join Thrive Market with my link ThriveMarket.com/ABSOLUTELY for 30% off your first order plus a FREE $60 gift!
Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.
Produced by Dear Media.
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
- Replay: Princess of PeaceMar 13, 2026 · 48 minOn this episode from March 9, 2022, we hear Heather go on a real tear about International Women's Day. Coming off of a great weekend in Albany slinging jokes on tour, she's back with attitude and some Heather health advice (we all know she is not a Dr., but wears a short white coat). Heather also takes voicemails from the hotline.
Episode Sponsors:
Visit ProlonLife.com/absolutely to claim your 15% discount and your bonus gift.
Find Kahlúa Dunkin Caramel Swirl at retailers nationwide, including Walmart, Total Wine, Albertsons, Kroger, Ralphs, Safeway, BevMo, Publix, and more. Must be 21 or older to purchase. Please drink responsibly. For additional information, visit Kahlua.com and follow @Kahlua on Instagram.
Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.
Produced by Dear Media.
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
- Get Thee to Therapy with Nicole ByerMar 11, 2026 · 1 hr 12 minOn this episode, Heather welcomes fellow comedian Nicole Byer. They chat about meeting in the NYC comedy scene, the Heated Rivalry boys, and disassociating while on stage performing. They take on a voicemail about having sex dreams about a boss. You can find Nicole’s new crowd work special on YouTube, out on tour and or on any of her many podcasts.
Episode Sponsors:
Your emotional wellbeing matters. Find support and feel lighter in therapy. Sign up and get 10% off at BetterHelp.com/absolutely.
Refresh your wardrobe with Quince. Go to Quince.com/absolutely for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too.
For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering our listeners $10 off your first month’s subscription and free shipping when you visit Nutrafol.com and enter promo code ABSOLUTELYNOT.
Save 20% Off Honeylove by going to honeylove.com/ABSOLUTELY! #honeylovepod
Right now, Merit Beauty is offering our listeners their Signature Makeup Bag with your first order at meritbeauty.com.
Find furniture, decor, and essentials that fit your unique style and budget. Head to Wayfair.com right now to shop all things home. Wayfair. Every style. Every home.
Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.
Produced by Dear Media.
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
- Choosing the BearMar 4, 2026 · 1 hrOn this episode, Heather has skeeted into the house fresh off a nose bleed. She is ready to take on her birthday month of March! She shares details of an upcoming shoot she is nervous about and her shows in Texas and her roots in the rodeo. Heading to Japan soon, she is ready to adopt Punch herself. She takes on a voicemail about the theatre kids version of the high school sport team.
Episode Sponsors:
Head to https://www.squarespace.com/absolutely to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code absolutely.
Wake up with clearer skin, smoother hair, and cooler sleep. Use code ABSOLUTELY for an extra 30% off at blissy.com/ABSOLUTELY.
Redefine your standard of health. Secure 20% off your order and begin your intentional wellness journey today at Piquelife.com/absolutely.
Right now, Merit Beauty is offering our listeners their Signature Makeup Bag with your first order at meritbeauty.com.
Join the loyalty program for renters at joinbilt.com/absolutely.
Go to Ro.co/absolutelynot to see if you’re eligible for the new GLP-1 pill on Ro.
Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.
Produced by Dear Media.
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
- Well Endowed with Vivian TuFeb 25, 2026 · 51 minOn this episode, Heather welcomes back your rich BFF, Vivian Tu, back to the pod. She is ready for all of you to be well-endowed, but wants you to make sure you don’t fall for the traps of online marketing. Vivian wants you to ask yourself- are you buying the thing or the feeling? Heather goes to her threads to ask Vivian what the people have questions about.
Episode Sponsors:
Refresh your wardrobe with Quince. Go to Quince.com/absolutely for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too.
For a limited time, Prolon is offering Absolutely Not listeners 15% off sitewide plus a $40 bonus gift when you subscribe to their 5-Day Program! Just visit ProlonLife.com/absolutely to claim your 15% discount and your bonus gift.
If you want clearer insight into your health, go to ForHers.com and schedule your labs today.
Get organized, refreshed, and back on track this new year for WAY less. Head to Wayfair.com right now to shop all things home. Wayfair. Every style. Every home.
Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.
Produced by Dear Media.
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
- Red Envelope OlympicsFeb 18, 2026 · 1 hr 12 minOn this episode, Heather is fresh off her sleep apnea test and ready for Chinese New Year. While she is awaiting results, she is fully immersed in the nail-biting world of the Winter Olympics. She takes voicemails from listeners who want to know more about going on WWHl and how Andy Cohen feels about her, as well as a reluctant cat daddy and a MIL who is just trying to help!
Episode Sponsors:
Head to https://www.squarespace.com/absolutely to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code ABSOLUTELY.
Find poppi at your nearest retailer or get it delivered straight to your door on Amazon. poppi — soda’s back, but so much better!
Ready to make some healthy swaps and become a member? Join Thrive Market with my link ThriveMarket.com/ABSOLUTELY for 30% off your first order plus a FREE $60 gift!
Redefine your standard of health. Secure 20% off your order and begin your intentional wellness journey today at piquelife.com/absolutely.
It’s time you get the support that actually reflects your needs. Start your free intake at ForHers.com.
Get 15% off Branch Basics with the code ABSOLUTELY at https://branchbasics.com/ABSOLUTELY #branchbasicspod
Sign up now and Acorns will boost your new account with a $5 bonus investment. Join the over 14 million all-time customers who have already saved and invested over $27 billion dollars with Acorns. Head to acorns.com/ABSOLUTELY or download the Acorns app to get started.
Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.
Produced by Dear Media.
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
- Smiling with Kaitlan CollinsFeb 11, 2026 · 1 hr 4 minOn this episode, Heather welcomes the iconic CNN white house correspondent, Kaitlan Collins to the pod. We get to hear all about flying on Air Force One, being in the press room, and of course her recent question and reaction she received from the President. They touch on the Epstein files, the presses’ relationship with Karoline Leavitt, and knowing which Truth social posts are actually coming from Trump.
Episode Sponsors:
Refresh your wardrobe with Quince. Go to Quince.com/absolutely for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too.
Sign up and get 10% off at BetterHelp.com/absolutely.
For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering our listeners $10 off your first month’s subscription and free shipping when you visit Nutrafol.com and enter promo code ABSOLUTELYNOT.
Save 20% Off Honeylove by going to honeylove.com/ABSOLUTELY! #honeylovepod
Find poppi at your nearest retailer or get it delivered straight to your door on Amazon. poppi — soda’s back, but so much better!
Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.
Produced by Dear Media.
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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