Pondoff's Anonymous

Episodes

• Grace After Chaos with Alyssa JarvisApr 20, 2026 · 2 hr 2 minContent note: This episode contains discussion of addiction, overdose, assault, suicidal ideation, homelessness, and other traumatic experiences. Please take care while listening. Alyssa Jarvis joins us to talk about faith, rejection, trauma, addiction, recovery, forgiveness, and the long road to building a new life. This is a heavy one, but it’s also full of honesty, resilience, and hope. Special thanks to our sponsors: McKelvey Insurance Group https://mckelveyins.com Light Source Psychotherapy http://findyourlightsource.com Chapters 00:00 Introduction and Sponsorships 01:33 Personal Stories and Connections 02:59 Faith and Spiritual Journeys 06:06 Navigating Identity and Acceptance 11:56 Challenges of Homelessness and Addiction 20:00 Support Systems and Resilience 21:17 Navigating Adolescence and School Challenges 22:14 The Role of Xanax in Coping with Trauma 25:00 Understanding Addiction and Recovery 27:06 The Impact of Loss on Substance Use 33:15 The Journey of Forgiveness and Healing 46:29 The Drugging Incident 49:21 The Aftermath of Assault 50:46 Realizations and Consequences 51:05 First Treatment Experience 53:39 Escalation of Addiction 54:30 Overdoses and Near-Death Experiences 56:18 Friendship and Betrayal 01:01:10 Rock Bottom and Awakening 01:11:25 The Call for Help 01:14:02 Journey to Treatment 01:17:00 Entering Recovery 01:20:30 Finding Purpose in Pain 01:24:29 Navigating Relationships in Recovery 01:30:05 The Challenges of Motherhood 01:34:38 The Birth Experience 01:35:23 The Birth of Harley and Early Challenges 01:38:01 Navigating Single Parenthood 01:39:29 Finding Stability and Employment 01:41:41 The Journey to Recovery and New Beginnings 01:45:03 Building Community and Support 01:49:01 Spiritual Growth and Connection 01:57:06 Empowering Others Through ExperiencePlayPlay Grace After Chaos with Alyssa Jarvis
• S3 E12 Addiction, Sobriety, and Community with John NettlesApr 13, 2026 · 2 hr 7 minJohn Nettles joins Pondoff’s Anonymous for a real conversation about addiction, relapse, treatment, and what it actually takes to build a life that lasts. Originally from the St. Louis area and now living in California, John talks about growing up in Chesterfield, getting pulled into sports, nightlife, and the EDM scene, and how alcohol and drugs slowly took over everything. This episode gets into the messy reality of addiction...the false starts, the treatment attempts that didn’t stick, the consequences, and the slow shift from just surviving to actually changing. John also opens up about the recovery community that helped him, the grief and relationships he’s had to navigate sober, and what it means to find purpose after years of chaos. John is the Director of Alumni Relations at Refine Recovery in Sherman Oaks, California, where he helped build the alumni program to keep people connected and supported after treatment. He also hosts his own podcast, Recovery Refined, where he talks with guests about recovery, identity, adversity, and growth. If you’re in California and need help, check out Refine Recovery: https://refinerecovery.com/contact/ Check out John’s podcast, Recovery Refined: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/recovery-refined/id1867828182 Sponsors: A big thank you to our sponsors. We couldn’t do this without them. McKelvey Insurance Group https://www.mckelveyins.com/ Light Source https://findyourlightsource.com/ Timestamps: 00:00 Introduction and Sponsorships 04:57 California's Treatment Landscape 11:06 Community Support and Recovery Initiatives 20:00 Growing Up in Chesterfield and Sports Background 25:19 Sports Culture and Personal Anecdotes 29:43 The Journey into Addiction 30:51 Treatment Programs and Their Impact 34:15 Navigating Recovery and Relapse 39:09 Building a Supportive Recovery Community 44:37 Comedy Night and Personal Reflections 46:11 Navigating Family Dynamics and Addiction 47:47 The Struggles of Early Adulthood and Substance Use 49:31 The Intersection of Substance Use and Nightlife 51:27 Geographic Changes and Their Impact on Addiction 54:43 The Escalation of Addiction and Its Consequences 57:27 The Turning Point: Realizations and Relationships 01:00:00 The Journey to Sobriety and Its Challenges 01:02:51 Facing the Consequences of Addiction 01:05:18 The Cycle of Sobriety and Relapse 01:10:03 Societal Views on Alcohol and Addiction 01:13:20 Moments of Willingness and Seeking Help 01:19:06 The Impact of Family and Relationships on Recovery 01:22:43 Reconnecting and Building Relationships 01:25:11 The Role of Pets in Recovery 01:30:02 The Journey to Treatment 01:31:03 Listening and Learning in RecovPlayPlay S3 E12 Addiction, Sobriety, and Community with John Nettles
• S3 E11 Never Lose Hope with Tennille HeitkampApr 6, 2026 · 1 hr 54 minNever Lose Hope with Tennille Heitkamp Tennille Heitkamp joins Pondoff’s Anonymous to share the long, painful, and hopeful story of walking through addiction with her son, Jacob. What starts as a conversation about Underground and finding the right support community turns into a brutally honest look at what addiction does to an entire family. Tennille talks about Jacob’s childhood, ADHD, early struggles to fit in, his exposure to pills and fentanyl, emergency room visits, detox, sober living, relapse, and the emotional chaos that came with trying to keep him alive. She also opens up about the toll it took on her, her marriage, her other son, and her own mental health as she tried to hold everything together. But this episode is not just about the darkness. It is also about not giving up. Tennille shares how Jacob eventually found real help, how Florida became a turning point, how he is now six months sober, and how hope slowly started to return. The conversation also highlights Tennille’s work with Addiction is Real, where she now helps other families recognize warning signs, find resources, and feel less alone. This episode is for parents, loved ones, and anyone who has ever felt exhausted by addiction and wondered if things can still get better. Sponsored by: McKelvey Insurance Group — https://www.mckelveyins.com LightSource Psychotherapy — https://findyourlightsource.com 00:00 Sponsor message: McKelvey Insurance Group + LightSource 00:56 Theme song 01:30 Welcome and meeting Tennille 06:48 How Tennille found Underground 09:16 Trying different support spaces until something fits 12:12 Creating a safe place for scared newcomers 15:27 Underground becomes bigger than anyone expected 17:42 Why Chris wanted Tennille to tell this story 18:43 Jacob, Jayden, and the beginning of the family story 24:02 Jacob’s childhood, diagnoses, surgeries, and early struggles 30:38 High school football, wanting to fit in, and pills 32:16 First exposure to fentanyl 33:34 Moving out, chasing belonging, and things unraveling 40:12 The first major fentanyl scare and ER trip 42:09 Detox, sober living, and the insurance nightmare 58:30 Family disease, shame, and trying to fix everything 1:01:33 Learning boundaries and finding family support 1:21:08 Another sober living setback 1:25:39 Airport chaos and getting Jacob back to treatment 1:30:54 New Jersey, sober living, and another return home 1:33:21 A good stretch, then relapse again 1:37:05 Hospital scare and the move to Florida 1:38:05 Florida treatment and meeting Emily 1:40:21 Six months sober and a different future 1:42:48 Tennille’s work with Addiction is Real 1:50:39 How Jacob is doing now 1:53:55 Credits 1:54:26 Light in the Dark coffee outro<PlayPlay S3 E11 Never Lose Hope with Tennille Heitkamp
• S3E10 The Weight of Shame with Julie WisemanMar 30, 2026 · 2 hr 15 minContent Note: This episode contains discussion of suicide, addiction, and mental health. Julie Wiseman with her friend (also) Julie Thanks to our sponsors: McKelvey Insurance Group http://mckelveyins.com LightSource http://FindYourLightSource.com In this episode of Pondoff’s Anonymous, Chris and Zoë sit down with Julie Wiseman, joined by her friend Dee, for a deeply honest conversation about grief, learning differences, addiction, and the long shadow of shame. Julie shares the story of her son Nick, from early struggles with dyslexia and anxiety to the deeper mental health and substance use battles that followed, and the devastating reality of losing him to suicide. Along the way, the conversation opens up into something even bigger… parenting fear, the pressure kids carry, the gaps in support for teens and families, and the kind of community that can help people feel less alone. Julie talks about creating Nick’s Beautiful Angels, Zoë reflects on her own experience with dyslexia and ADHD, and the group keeps coming back to a simple truth… isolation makes everything worse, and honest connection matters. Chapters: 00:00 Navigating Personal Challenges 02:51 Understanding Learning Differences 12:15 The Impact of ADHD and Dyslexia 20:51 Social Connections and Communication 32:06 The Role of Support Systems 40:19 Exploring Addiction and Recovery 49:48 The Importance of Open Conversations 59:48 Coping with Isolation and Pressure 01:09:49 Finding Joy in Everyday Life 01:19:33 The Journey of Self-Discovery 01:29:00 Fear, Setbacks, and Turning Points 01:39:00 Living With Panic and Uncertainty 01:47:11 The Weight of the Last Text 01:57:00 Grief in Daily Life 02:05:00 Courage, Community, and Keep Going 02:13:20 Landing the PlanePlayPlay S3E10 The Weight of Shame with Julie Wiseman
• S3E9 Lyndsey JacobMar 16, 2026 · 1 hr 59 minIn this episode of Pondoff’s Anonymous , Chris sits down with Lyndsey Jacob, Kyle Jacob, and Zoë for an honest conversation about addiction, recovery, trauma, ADHD, marriage, family, sobriety, and healing. Lyndsey shares what it was like to live in denial while knowing things could not keep going the way they were. She talks about cocaine use, alcohol, secrecy, survival mode, shame, and the fear of facing life without substances. This episode explores the turning points that led her toward honesty, treatment, and recovery. Chris, Lyndsey, Kyle, and Zoë also talk about the impact addiction has on marriage, trust, family, finances, motherhood, and identity. They unpack how childhood experiences, trauma, and ADHD can shape adult behavior and self-perception, and how deeper issues can stay hidden underneath addiction for years. This conversation also gets into support systems, accountability, stigma, and the role of community in recovery. Kyle shares what it was like to walk through this as a husband, and the episode offers a real look at what healing can require from everyone involved. It is messy, personal, honest, and hopeful. If you are interested in addiction recovery, sobriety, trauma healing, mental health, ADHD, relationships, or real stories of change, this episode is for you. Timestamps 00:00 Introduction and Sponsorships 01:11 Personal Reflections on Life and Challenges 02:34 The Importance of Connection and Community 06:00 Navigating Personal Struggles and Support Systems 09:29 The Journey of Recovery and Realizations 12:43 Understanding Addiction and Its Complexities 16:14 The Role of Family and Relationships in Recovery 19:10 Childhood Experiences and Their Impact on Adulthood 25:46 Unpacking Trauma and ADHD 27:11 The Turning Point: Coming Clean to Family 28:19 The Importance of Support in Recovery 32:01 Facing the Reality of Addiction 36:00 Unpacking Trauma and Honesty 48:59 The Journey of Self-Discovery 52:03 Understanding Different Addictive Behaviors 58:12 Navigating Substance Use and Social Norms 59:58 The Journey of a Single Mother 01:02:55 Love, Loss, and New Beginnings 01:05:58 The Highs and Lows of Addiction 01:09:52 The Cost of Addiction on Finances and Relationships 01:24:31 The Impact of Addiction on Family Dynamics 01:27:12 Breaking the Stigma of Addiction 01:30:49 Accountability and Personal Growth in Recovery 01:32:01 The Journey of Self-Discovery and Healing 01:39:07 Understanding the Nature of Addiction 01:41:01 The Role of Community in Recovery 01:52:00 Finding Purpose in Recovery 01:56:08 Embracing Authenticity and Connection Sponsors McKelvey Insurance Group https://mckelveyins.com LightSource Psychotherapy https://findyourlightsource.comPlayPlay S3E9 Lyndsey Jacob
• Fentanyl Killed My Son at a Sleepover | A Mother's Fight for Justice with Tiffany FosterMar 9, 2026 · 2 hr 19 minFentanyl Killed My Son at a Sleepover | A Mother's Fight for Justice Tiffany Foster's son Zack was 13 when he died from fentanyl poisoning at a friend's sleepover. He wasn't an addict. It was his first time. Eight days after his birthday, he was gone. Tiffany shares Zack's story -- his childhood, the night of August 28th, four years of legal battles, and the advocacy work she does now. If you're a parent, someone in recovery, or anyone who loves a young person, this one is for you. Fentanyl doesn't discriminate. Two milligrams -- the tip of a pencil -- is lethal. Zack had 44. TIMESTAMPS 00:00 -- Introduction to the Journey 03:36 -- The Impact of Loss and Grief 12:29 -- Understanding Zack's Childhood and Development 24:32 -- Navigating Adolescence and Early Experimentation 36:00 -- The Tragic Night and Its Consequences 38:48 -- Navigating Parental Concerns 42:05 -- The Night of the Incident 44:28 -- The Shocking News 51:50 -- Understanding the Overdose 54:24 -- The Aftermath and Legal Proceedings 01:01:32 -- The Trials and Sentencing 01:19:12 -- Judicial System Insights and Parole Eligibility 01:22:28 -- Navigating Grief and the Impact of Trials 01:26:05 -- The Verdict: A Moment of Relief 01:30:21 -- Joining the Fight Against Addiction 01:33:08 -- Early Prevention and Education on Substance Use 01:41:43 -- Hidden in Plain View: Raising Awareness 01:48:11 -- Knowledge is Power: Engaging Parents in Prevention 01:50:15 -- Creating Awareness Through Personal Stories 01:52:53 -- The Importance of Authenticity in Communication 01:56:05 -- Navigating Grief and Addiction 02:01:40 -- The Journey of Recovery and Support 02:05:51 -- The Role of Community in Healing 02:10:37 -- Continuing the Conversation on Addiction ABOUT ZACK Born August 21, 2008. Outgoing, loving, never met a stranger. He loved horror movies, video games, soccer, and Halloween, and had a personality big enough to fill any room. He was eight days past his 13th birthday when he died. His toxicology came back with 44 milligrams of fentanyl -- a lethal dose is 2 to 5 milligrams, an amount that fits on the tip of a pencil. THE LEGAL OUTCOME Three adults were charged. Andrew Amalong: convicted, 40 years concurrent. Thomas Noonan -- whose biological daughter had died from fentanyl three weeks before Zack -- convicted, 45 years consecutive with a repeat offender enhancement. Jury deliberations: 90 minutes and 30 minutes respectively. Final sentencing: August 2025. WHAT EVERY PARENT NEEDS TO HEAR Fentanyl is in marijuana, counterfeit pills, and things no one expects. Two milligrams is lethal. Zack was not an addict. This was his first time. One try can be fatal now. Talk to your kids early -- the fear that the conversation invites experimentation is wrong. Know where your kids sleep. Vet the househoPlayPlay Fentanyl Killed My Son at a Sleepover | A Mother's Fight for Justice with Tiffany Foster
• “We Is Stronger Than Me” with Ryan Canaday & Karie McMullenMar 2, 2026 · 2 hr 11 min“We Is Stronger Than Me” with Ryan Canaday & Karie McMullen Pondoff’s Anonymous Ryan Canaday and Karie McMullen from FREE Recovery Community in Denver join us for a raw, thoughtful conversation about addiction, faith, grief, and the power of community. This episode explores what happens when recovery shifts from isolation to connection. We talk about shame, anger at God, burnout in ministry spaces, losing people to addiction, and the kind of spiritual community that makes room for doubt instead of punishing it. At the center of this episode is one simple but powerful idea: “we” is stronger than “me.” About FREE Recovery Community FREE Recovery Community (Denver, CO) https://www.freerecoverycommunity.com A spiritually grounded recovery community focused on connection, belonging, and breaking shame through honest conversation. Time Stamps 00:00 – Introduction to the journey 03:12 – Transformative moments in recovery 08:55 – Faith, community, and what actually helps people heal 12:54 – Doubt, anger at God, and staying spiritually honest 17:47 – Addiction and family systems 22:48 – Desperation, surrender, and what finally shifts 30:32 – “We” is stronger than “me” 35:03 – The illusion of anonymity and the power of shame 59:53 – How FREE Recovery Community started 01:05:56 – Grief, funerals, and the urgency of the work 01:30:31 – Representation and belonging in spiritual spaces 02:00:56 – Baptism and redemption Connect with Pondoff’s Anonymous https://www.pondoffsanonymous.com Sponsors McKelvey Insurance Group https://www.mckelveyins.com LightSource Psychotherapy (Belleville, IL) https://www.findyourlightsource.comPlayPlay “We Is Stronger Than Me” with Ryan Canaday & Karie McMullen
• Grief, Phish, Fentanyl & Truth with Theresa SolstenFeb 23, 2026 · 2 hr 4 min🔥 Pondoff’s Anonymous – Show Notes 🎙️ Episode Title: Grief, Phish, Fentanyl & Truth 🎧 Guest: Theresa Solsten Who this episode is for: - Those addicted to drugs and/or alcohol - Families grieving someone lost to overdose — or what we’re calling it now: poisoning - Anyone carrying shame in silence - Men who’ve never been told they’re allowed to feel - Anyone who’s ever made a mess of their life - Phish fans and the Phish-curious --- Theresa is back. And this one goes deep. Eight years ago, her sister Michelle died from fentanyl poisoning. Not a moral failure. Not a statistic. A poisoning. We talk about why language matters. Why “overdose” carries stigma. Why “poisoning” tells the truth. Most people who die from fentanyl never intended to die. They thought they were buying something else. They were wrong — and it cost them everything. Theresa shares: - Discovering her sister was using - Taking her to her first meeting - Clean time that ended quietly - The secrecy addicts build out of fear - The isolation of grieving someone society still judges “People choose isolation because they’re trying to feel safe.” That line hits. Addiction isn’t just self-destruction. It’s fear. Shame. Survival wiring that stopped working. We also talk about: - Therapy as preventative maintenance - Why support systems matter before crisis hits - Why men need emotional safe spaces - The “doorknob confession” phenomenon - How to challenge the thoughts that keep you stuck And yes — we talk about Phish. Because grief and joy coexist. You can carry loss and still debate your favorite live jam. You can mourn your sister and still show up to the show. Somewhere between cutting hair and holding space for clients unloading their lives, Theresa feels a pull toward something bigger in the recovery space. Behavioral health was her first love. Grief made it personal. Michelle’s story didn’t end when she died. It lives on every time it’s told. If you’ve ever: - Loved an addict - Been the addict - Lost someone and struggled to say it out loud - Sat in your car before work trying to steady yourself This episode is for you. Full transcript here: :contentReference[oaicite:0]{index=0} Sponsored by McKelvey Insurance (https://www.mckelveyins.com/) and LightSource Psychotherapy (https://findyourlightsource.com/).PlayPlay Grief, Phish, Fentanyl & Truth with Theresa Solsten
• Pondoff's Anonymous introduces Needed to Hear That with Chaz and PondoffFeb 16, 2026 · 1 hr 33 minPondoff’s Anonymous is on a one week break, but we didn’t want to leave you hanging… So today we’re sharing an episode of our newer show, *Needed to Hear That*. This one is a do not miss. If you’ve ever connected with what we try to do here, honest conversations, recovery, mental health, and the stuff people usually don’t say out loud, this podcast is absolutely for you. Subscribe to *Needed to Hear That* so you don’t miss the next one.PlayPlay Pondoff's Anonymous introduces Needed to Hear That with Chaz and Pondoff
• When Addiction Stops Being Fun | Cocaine, Meth, Prison & Recovery with Triple XFeb 9, 2026 · 2 hr 57 minWho this episode is for: Those addicted to drugs and/or alcohol who still think they’re in control People living double lives and calling it “functional” Anyone carrying childhood trauma they’ve never dealt with Families trying to love someone who keeps self-destructing Anyone who’s ever made a mess of their life and told themselves it was ambition This episode is not clean. It’s not polished. And it sure as hell isn’t motivational fluff. This is a full, unfiltered autopsy of addiction. Chris Pondoff and Zoe Mendenall sit down with Triple X — addict in recovery, speaker, author, and recovery advocate — and let him tell the whole story. Not the safe version. Not the highlight reel. The real one. From growing up poor with emotional abuse and abandonment… to chasing validation, power, money, and belonging… to cocaine, meth, large-scale dealing, paranoia, prison, relapse, and finally rebuilding a life with structure and purpose. This conversation tears apart the myth of the “functional addict” and exposes how addiction often starts as a solution — until it becomes the cage you can’t escape. Triple X walks through it all: When cocaine felt like confidence. When money felt like control. When the pager never stopped buzzing. When the helicopter light hit the apartment. When fun turned into fear. When meth changed everything. When prison became inevitable. When recovery finally demanded structure, discipline, and boundaries. There’s no glamor here. Just ego, trauma, chaos, consequences — and the long road back. You’ll hear about: Childhood emotional abuse and abandonment Trauma as the root, not the excuse Why structure is non-negotiable in recovery Cocaine, meth, and the escalation trap The business side of addiction and how it grows Living two lives and being exhausted by both Arrest, plea deals, prison, and consequences Relapse, shame, and getting back up Building a new life through discipline and purpose This episode doesn’t ask for sympathy. It demands honesty. If you’re listening and thinking, “I’m not that bad,” you should probably keep listening. GUEST: Triple X — addict in recovery, speaker, author, and recovery advocate BOOK: Becoming the Change by Triple X SOCIAL MEDIA: TikTok: @be_the_change_recovery BUSINESS: Muther Mushroom Website: https://muthermushroom.com/ (Launching in the coming weeks) EPISODE TIMELINE: 00:00 Introduction and Sponsorships 05:54 Personal Stories and Connections 12:03 Childhood Trauma and Its Impact 22:03 Radical Inclusion in Recovery 28:57 The Illusion of Control: Functional Addiction 35:40 The Highs and Lows of Cocaine Use<PlayPlay When Addiction Stops Being Fun | Cocaine, Meth, Prison & Recovery with Triple X
• Gut Instincts and Second Chances with Sam LanderFeb 2, 2026 · 1 hr 41 minWho this episode is for: Those addicted to drugs and/or alcohol. Anyone rebuilding after wreckage—physical, emotional, legal. People whose guts are wrecked and spirits even worse. Ex-party people trying to become whole humans. Fitness freaks, trauma healers, and closet sugar junkies. Anyone who's ever made a mess of their life and needed to start over—again. Sam Lander has lived a few lifetimes in one. This episode goes hard into her journey—from synchronized swimmer and college partier to LA chaos and courtrooms to spiritual awakening and gut healing. She’s seen it all and now helps others feel better in their bodies and lives through science-backed, soul-conscious wellness work. Sam opens up about the rollercoaster of addiction, relapse, rehab, and recovery—not once, but over years of painful unraveling and healing. She talks about the pink cloud of early sobriety, how the body holds trauma, and what it really means to rebuild after everything falls apart. And she doesn’t just talk it—she lives it. Today, she runs a full-scale health and wellness practice that dives deep into gut health, hormones, and the mind-body connection. She’ll teach you how to run labs on yourself, heal your insides, and maybe even laugh while shitting in a box. Real talk. This is an episode about survival, reinvention, and finally figuring out what the hell makes you feel alive—and feel good. Work with Sam and get your gut right at: https://seefitpt.com Follow her on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/seefitliving TIME STAMPS: 00:00 Navigating Distractions and Reactions 05:08 Healthy Eating and Lifestyle Changes 11:57 Sober Living and Its Challenges 17:57 Personal Stories and Life Lessons 24:05 The Impact of Substance Use 30:12 Reflections on Recovery and Growth 36:02 Life in Los Angeles and Career Paths 42:01 Facing Consequences and Legal Issues 46:28 Navigating Personal Struggles 49:30 The Journey of Recovery 52:23 Finding Strength in Vulnerability 54:39 Life Lessons from Adversity 56:42 The Impact of Relationships on Recovery 01:00:50 Health and Wellness Insights 01:02:19 The Role of Nutrition in Recovery 01:06:33 Understanding Mental Health Challenges 01:10:32 The Importance of Support Systems 01:15:31 Reflections on Growth and Change Sponsored by 🛡️ McKelvey Insurance – https://www.mckelveyins.com 🧠 LightSource Psychotherapy – https://findyourlightsource.comPlayPlay Gut Instincts and Second Chances with Sam Lander
• Velvet Nights & Coke Eyes with Shawn VinsonJan 26, 2026 · 1 hr 59 minWho this episode is for: Anyone who’s ever been owned by their addiction Parents trying to fix what their kids won’t talk about Business bros who grind all day and snort all night People trying to outrun their past (good luck) Anyone who’s ever made a mess of their life and called it “fun” The quietly curious — not in recovery (yet), but wondering what all the wreckage is really about This week on Pondoff’s Anonymous , we go all the way in with Shawn Vinson — entrepreneur, ex-party monster, and the kind of guy who used to outdrink you, outwork you, and then take your girlfriend… all before brunch. But behind the suits and the lake house blowouts was a man chasing oblivion at full throttle. Shawn gets real about growing up with a broken relationship blueprint, drowning in validation-seeking, and building a life so externally successful it nearly killed him. We’re talking ecstasy-fueled club nights, lines in the bathroom at family events, and trying to “dad” while his soul was on fire. You’ll hear how a 12-step program flipped his rage into clarity, why prayer is now part of his survival kit, and how he’s channeling his chaos into coaching and entrepreneurship. There’s also a moment where his two-year-old daughter checks him on his cocaine eyes. If you’re not wrecked after that… you might already be. We hit everything from early insecurity and high school boozing, to the brutal come-to-Jesus moments that make recovery stick. And yeah — we go deep on what it really means to rebuild a life from the ashes when no one’s clapping and nothing’s pretty. Episode Breakdown (You Know the Drill): 00:00 – Shot of Coffee and a Side of Chaos 01:28 – Meet Shawn Vinson : The Wolf of Wall Street of the Ozarks 04:52 – Families: Can’t Live with ’Em, Can’t Stay Sober Without ’Em 12:08 – Addiction Doesn’t Just Wreck You — It Torches the Whole Family Tree 18:24 – When a Toddler Calls Out Your Cocaine Eyes 24:59 – 12-Step Rage Turned 12-Step Redemption 31:14 – Young, Dumb, and Looking for Love in All the Dysfunctional Places 31:42 – Medicated and Proud: The Daily Ritual That Keeps Us Sane 32:25 – High School: Insecurity, Hormones, and Bud Light 34:17 – Booze as a Social Superpower (Until It Isn’t) 37:22 – Discovering Ecstasy and the Gospel of Velvet Nightclub 40:08 – Cocaine, Clubs, and the Illusion of Invincibility 43:17 – New Friends, New Lows, and All the Free Drinks You Can Snort 46:20 – Corporate Hustle Meets Party Animal: Shawn Joins the Family Biz 51:31 – The LakePlayPlay Velvet Nights & Coke Eyes with Shawn Vinson
• From Train Wreck to Captain Courage with George HansfordJan 19, 2026 · 1 hr 27 minWho this episode is for: - Bar owners who can’t stop drinking their own profits - Anyone who thinks boating and sobriety can’t mix - Those living with the secret shame of family dysfunction - People who think recovery means giving up fun - Old-school St. Louisans with a soft spot for Trainwreck Saloon - Anyone who’s ever made a mess of their life If you’ve ever built a life that looked good on paper but felt like a slow-motion disaster, this one’s for you. Chris and Zoë sit down with St. Louis bar legend George Hansford—founder and owner of the iconic Trainwreck Saloon—and get real about 40+ years in the brutal bar business, alcoholism, grief, family secrets, and finally, finding hope at the end of a bottle. Literally. George opens up about growing up in Brentwood, losing both parents by age 25, and how years of unprocessed pain fueled a decades-long drinking career—until a packed suitcase and one final bender forced him to change. This episode dives deep into how trauma festers into addiction—and how it can be healed through honesty, community, and one hell of a recovery journey that took George from the landing to Key West, where he now runs Courage Charters (http://www.couragecharters.com), a name inspired by the Serenity Prayer and powered by the gift of sobriety. This dude’s not just running boats—he’s giving people hope on the water. And if that doesn’t make you cry or at least book a four-hour sandbar escape, check your pulse. Also in this episode: - Tales from Brentwood ice rink and run-ins with NHL legends - A behind-the-scenes look at the wildest nights in STL bar history - What it’s like to get sober when *you* are the bar owner - Why interventions suck—but sometimes still work - The life-changing power of “suitcase day” (aka when your wife finally packs your shit) - What recovery looks like in Key West (spoiler: it’s not all Jimmy Buffett and sunburns) Find George: Facebook – Trainwreck Saloon: http://www.facebook.com/TrainwreckSaloon Facebook – Courage Charters: http://www.facebook.com/couragecharters 🛥️ Book a charter: http://www.couragecharters.com 🍔 Grab a bison burger: http://www.trainwrecksaloon.com What’s inside (yeah, we timestamped the chaos): 0:00 – Intro & sponsor shoutout 2:59 – The legacy of Trainwreck Saloon 5:58 – Brentwood roots, bison burgers, and Blues players at the bar 9:00 – Alcoholism in the family and trying to outrun it 11:59 – Running bars, losing control, and pretending everything’s fine 15:00 – Death, denial, and what it really means to heal 18:00 – Getting sober after 30+ years of burying pain 20:48 – From the bar scene to recovery scene: how shit changed 23:56 – Fireball, slot machines, aPlayPlay From Train Wreck to Captain Courage with George Hansford
• Addiction, Grief, and Grace with Rene HudsonJan 12, 2026 · 1 hr 51 minWho this episode is for: - Anyone who’s ever woken up wondering how the hell they survived their 20s - Former party girls turned spiritual gangsters - People in recovery who still laugh at their darkest stories - Anyone with complicated daddy issues - Midwest transplants trying to make peace with the lack of decent tacos - And most importantly: the still-struggling, the not-yet-sober, the ones who think it’s too late—this one’s for you Addiction, Grief, and Grace with Rene Hudson Rene Hudson didn’t just dip her toe in the chaos—she cannonballed straight into it. In this raw-as-hell episode, Chris, Zoe, and (MIA) Jeff sit down with Rene, a certified SoCal wild child turned St. Louis recovery badass, to unpack a story that ricochets from beach bonfires and punk shows to addiction, grief, and spiritual rebirth. This isn’t some sanitized, “I found Jesus and now everything’s fine” kind of thing. Rene brings the real: pierced nipples as teenage rebellion, doing shots and hitting rock bottom, crashing on a boat with no working toilet, and falling into a love story that ends in heartbreak and hard lessons. You'll hear about her fast spiral into addiction, her time as the life of the party in OC’s house scene, meeting her late partner Noah (who moved in after one night and never left), and how she went from vodka breakfasts to full-body baptisms at The Gathering . The crew veers off course plenty—talking bridges, airport food etiquette, Sergeant Sausage the male stripper, and Nicholas Cage melting down at Newport bars—but it always comes back to the raw truth of recovery, trauma, and what it means to rebuild a life from scratch. This one’s funny, heartbreaking, weird, and wildly human. Just like Rene. 00:00 Shoutout to the sponsors 02:59 Bridge drama and Midwest geography lessons 06:07 Boomers, Gen Z, and Y2K brain damage 08:57 Growing up in SoCal 11:58 St. Louis nice vs. California real 15:01 Bonfires, beach boys, and busted boat toilets 18:04 Nick Cage is a freak and we love that for him 18:55 Con Air, In-N-Out, and late-night cravings 21:19 Airport food shaming and clean eating confessions 24:41 Real ones go to church 27:56 First time telling the whole damn story 33:37 Turning the wreckage into something valuable 39:36 Military childhoods and doing it all yourself 42:01 Teenage love, heartbreak, and “marriage?!” 45:55 Nipples pierced out of spite 48:50 Party girl era unlocked 54:59 It starts out fun—until it’s not 01:00:02 Running from everything 01:02:59 A brain full of chaos 01:04:57 Moving to Florida, still running 01:06:55 Relationships, broken and breaking 01:10:01 Losing Noah 01:16:58 Grief, relapse, and trying to survive it 01:20:21 Family pain and recovery roadblocks 01:24:11 Putting the pieces back together 01:26:40 Finally giving recovery a real shot 01:2PlayPlay Addiction, Grief, and Grace with Rene Hudson
• Best of Season Two: Sobriety, Chaos, Healing & All the Shit in BetweenJan 5, 2026 · 1 hr 59 minThis ain’t your tidy little self-help podcast. This is a molotov cocktail of truth, trauma, healing, heartbreak, and a whole lotta swearing. We’re cracking open some of the rawest, realest, and most *fuck-it-let’s-go-there* moments from Season Two. If you're not ready to get honest, bounce now. First up, Megan Gehrs and Bree Badgley are back after five years. These two come in hot—talking relapses, divorces, cookie cakes, sober birthdays, and how to sit in self-pity without drowning in it. Megan shares what it’s like staying sober with a fully stocked liquor cabinet in the house. Bree opens up about blackouts, bruises, and holding her newborn niece in the hospital while still swollen from the night before. This ain’t Instagram recovery—it’s the messy, beautiful kind. Then Christina Preston drops a fucking hammer: kidnapped, trafficked, and held in a hotel room with a pistol on the console. She survived it. Barely. And now she’s helping women claw their way back from the same hell she escaped. This is not a movie. This is real. And it happens down the damn street. Kurt Garner swings through next—radio host, tequila junkie turned sober globetrotter. From Mexican strip clubs with angry bouncers to solo Valentine’s Day JT concerts in Chicago, he proves life doesn’t end when the bottle does. His turning point? A 10 a.m. tequila binge after a failed date that led to pouring out the bottle and walking toward something better. Then we go deep with Sean Weiss—yeah, *that* Sean Weiss. Goldberg from *The Mighty Ducks*. You’ve seen the mugshots. But this dude has lived through shit most people wouldn’t survive. $20K gone in three months. Dope. Shoplifting. Using a needle he *knew* was HIV-positive because detox hurt more than death. This conversation isn’t for the faint of heart—but it’s for the ones still out there thinking there’s no way back. And finally, Rafe Williams takes the mic. Stand-up comic, radio guy, and full-time truth-teller. He cracks jokes about Southern Illinois, grandma’s Doral cartons, and Paducah gas station cigarettes—but make no mistake, he’s lived it. The rooms, the relapses, the rollercoaster of finding peace in a loud-ass world. He gets honest about masculinity, depression, and why vulnerability is a hell of a lot scarier than any open mic. This one’s for anyone who’s tired of hiding. You don’t have to pretend anymore. Just press play. --- CHAPTERS 00:00 Introduction to Honest Conversations 02:08 Returning to Recovery: Megan Gehrs and Bree Badgley 05:01 Personal Struggles: Divorce and Alcoholism 12:15 The Impact of Alcohol on Relationships 19:52 Mental Health: Anxiety and Depression 25:35 The Journey of Healing and Community Support 26:03 Understanding Human Trafficking and Addiction 35:00 Finding Redemption and New BeginningsPlayPlay Best of Season Two: Sobriety, Chaos, Healing & All the Shit in Between
• S2 E45 A Mother’s Story with Shelly ViveritoDec 29, 2025 · 1 hr 44 minA Mother’s Story with Shelly Viverito Who this episode is for: - Parents who’ve lost a child and are still standing somehow - Anyone who’s ever loved an addict and didn’t know how to help - Folks who’ve been burned by shady recovery programs - Those struggling with meth, depression, or both - Anyone trying to make meaning from unimaginable grief - And anyone who’s ever made a mess of their life and lived to tell the tale This one’s not for the faint of heart. Shelly Viverito joins the Pondoff’s Anonymous crew to tell a story no parent should ever have to tell — the rise, fall, and redemption of her son Nick, who battled brutal addiction, got clean, rebuilt his life, and then was ripped away by a random, deadly brain bleed. He beat meth. He beat depression. And he still died at 39. This is a mother’s war story. From locking her door at night during his meth psychosis… to getting a tattoo of his sobriety date… to launching a foundation in his name that now funds sober living for other young men fighting for their lives. Nick Wilson may be gone, but his light — and his pit bull Jax — continue to move mountains through Shelly’s advocacy, fundraising, and raw honesty. Learn more: 💥 The Nick Wilson Foundation: https://www.thenickwilsonfoundation.org 💥 Learn to Live Recovery: https://learntoliverecovery.com 💥 Harris House: https://www.harrishouse.org Time Stamps: 00:00 Introduction to Recovery and Support 02:51 Navigating Personal Stories and Backgrounds 12:51 The Journey of Addiction and Recovery 26:19 Understanding the Impact of Addiction on Families 27:22 The Cost of Recovery Programs 28:44 The Challenges of Interventions 30:34 The Impact of Hope in Recovery 32:18 Navigating Relapse and Recovery 37:30 Finding Support in Recovery Programs 40:10 The Role of Family in Recovery 43:55 The Journey to Independence 53:28 Tragedy and Loss in Recovery 56:35 The Gift of Life: Organ Donation and Its Impact 57:57 Navigating Grief: A Mother's Journey 01:00:02 Finding Purpose Through Pain: Advocacy and Speaking Out 01:02:57 Creating a Legacy: The Nick Wilson Foundation 01:07:34 Community and Connection: The Power of Support Groups 01:12:57 Healing Through Fun: The Importance of Joy in Grief 01:22:33 Creating Community and Support 01:25:06 The Power of Shared Experiences 01:29:50 Fundraising and Community Events 01:31:11 The Importance of Mental Health Awareness 01:34:40 Finding Hope in Tragedy 01:39:04 Celebrating Life and Connection <PlayPlay S2 E45 A Mother’s Story with Shelly Viverito
• S2 E44 The F*ck Around Show Preview 2Dec 22, 2025 · 2 hr 5 minWelcome to the unfiltered chaos of Pondoff’s Anonymous, where recovery meets real life with no bleep button. This week, it’s a full‑house f*ck‑around session with Chris , Jeff , Zoe , and special guest Kenny “Iggy” Strode — the St. Louis radio legend with a sharp tongue, a broken filter, and a suspiciously high body count. You want deep? We’ve got deep. You want weird? Strap the hell in. Iggy drops stories from Bermuda beaches (where topless tourists get scolded by dudes in linen), explains how a freaky music review got him a nickname that’s lasted 50 years, and claims full credit for the BlueChew catchphrase that celebrities now scream into the void. Zoe brings warmth, humor, and grounded honesty — talking about music, recovery, and showing up with heart. Chris puts it best: it just means more having a strong female voice in the mix. Jeff and Chris unveil the upcoming Pondoff Anonymous Media Network and the new app that’ll put recovery, resources, and rogue banter in your damn pocket. Also covered: – How to apologize for Facebook ghosting live on‑air – Why “I’d like that” is the worst line in any movie ever – The theology of poop mirrors and peanut butter mishaps – When grief, comedy, Jesus, and erectile dysfunction collide – Singing for the Spirit, shaving your balls, and showing up anyway 📲 New app drops January 🎙️ Pondoff Anonymous Network launching with three weekly shows 💀 Recovery, mental health, addiction, grief, nudity, and boner jokes — all wrapped up in love and laughter 00:00 Introduction to Recovery and Community Support 05:52 The Importance of Mental Health and Therapy 12:06 Building a Podcast Network and Future Plans 14:52 The Role of Humor and Lightheartedness in Recovery 17:59 Reflections on Pets and Personal Growth 24:19 Cultural Norms and Nudity 25:30 Identity and Nicknames 26:42 High School Dynamics and Music 29:28 Relationships and Social Connections 31:10 Podcasting and Community Engagement 35:23 Mental Health and Recovery Advocacy 39:09 Personal Stories and Impact 42:56 Humor and Lighthearted Banter 47:18 Navigating Personal Challenges 49:10 Pet Peeves in Movies and TV Shows 50:57 The Art of Performance and Stage Presence 54:52 The Power of Authenticity in Sharing Stories 01:01:12 The Impact of Addiction and Recovery 01:07:01 The Importance of Community Support 01:15:46 Podcasting Insights and Personal Reflections 01:18:40 Navigating Mental HealthPlayPlay S2 E44 The F*ck Around Show Preview 2
• S2E43 Anthony Slaughter on God, Guts, and Getting the Hell Back UpDec 15, 2025 · 2 hr 24 minWho this episode is for: - Anyone who’s ever been fired and thought maybe I am the problem - People in recovery who still have a bottle whispering their name - Anyone working a toxic job and trying to smile through it - Foster parents or those considering the leap - LGBTQ+ folks living under labels that don’t fit - News junkies who wanna know what really goes down off-camera - And of course, anyone who’s made a flaming, glorious mess of their life Season 2, Episode 43 – Anthony Slaughter on God, Guts, and Getting the Hell Back Up Sponsored by: 🛡️ McKelvey Insurance 🧠 LightSource Psychotherapy Anthony Slaughter — former TV weatherman, credentialed meteorologist, single dad, and walking miracle — pulls no punches in this unforgettable episode. He talks about growing up in a Black-Portuguese family, losing his mom at age 7, and stepping up to adopt his twin nephews — babies born into chaos and addiction. And just when it seems the story can’t get heavier, it does. This is the first time (that we know of, in long form anyway) Anthony publicly opens up — really opens up — about getting fired from KSDK. One week he’s in a yearly review. The next? Walked out the door. Suddenly, managers had “concerns.” He was too goofy. Too confident. Too...himself. “It turned from me wanting to please the community… to just wanting to please one person — the boss.” He talks about the confusion, burnout, and identity crisis that came with getting dumped by a job he gave everything to. He saw coworkers vanish, leadership flail, and mediocrity rewarded. Here’s where it gets real: Anthony was already in recovery. Already had whiskey in the rearview. That firing? Could’ve broken him. Almost did. “You leave work so annoyed the first thing you wanna do is drink.” But this time… he didn’t. He journaled. He lifted. He moved. And out of the wreckage came peace. Instead of spiraling, he cracked open. Instead of drinking, he started dreaming again. Instead of chasing ratings, he started living. Now he’s building a YouTube channel. Selling weather shirts. Playing pickleball. And most importantly — telling the truth, finally, on his own terms. Time Stamps 00:00 Introduction to Recovery and Coffee 08:01 The Emotional Connection to Weather 16:05 Life Changes and Family Dynamics 28:01 Navigating Foster Care Challenges 32:55 The Importance of Community Support 35:29 Understanding Developmental Delays 36:54 Therapy in Parenting 39:00 Personal Struggles with Addiction 42:04 Reflections on Life ChoicePlayPlay S2E43 Anthony Slaughter on God, Guts, and Getting the Hell Back Up
• S2 E42 Something to Write Home About: Recovery with Matt PryorDec 8, 2025 · 1 hr 25 minSponsored by McKelvey Insurance and LightSource Psychotherapy .Who this episode is for: Anyone who’s ever tried to outrun their demons with a six-pack and a Stratocaster. Those who believe pain is the price of creativity. Anyone who's fallen down the rabbit hole of booze, bar tabs, and backstage passes. Recovering musicians, sober-curious punks, and people who've hit rock bottom with a guitar in hand. People who don’t believe in rock bottom—until they slam into it face first. And especially: anyone who thinks addiction is somebody else’s problem. Matt Pryor , frontman of The Get Up Kids, joins the Pondoff’s Anonymous crew and brings the fucking heat. From teenage Alateen meetings to tour bus whiskey benders, Pryor lays it all out—no filter, no fluff. This is the raw-ass story of a man who went from punk rock poster boy to broken, bedbound, and ready to die… before clawing his way out and writing a brutally honest record about the whole damn mess. Chris, Jeff, and Zoe dig deep with Pryor into the romanticized chaos of the music industry, the quiet hell of performing for thousands while dead inside, and what it takes to rebuild your soul from the inside out. We get real about diabetes, depression, spiritual recovery, and the hot mess that is AA vs. Dharma vs. “whatever keeps you alive and growing.” Also on deck: The shittiest non-alcoholic beers of the '90s Whether deep dish pizza is a valid hangover cure (spoiler: no) Detoxing with a diabetic’s nightmare hospital staff Satanic recovery groups and why they might be your jam Wrestling, wrestling, and more goddamn wrestling Touring Europe sober (and terrified) And the raw fucking truth about hitting a stage clean for the first time in decades Pryor’s not selling redemption stories or tidy endings. He’s here to tell the truth: recovery is weird, hard, slow—and fucking worth it. Episode Time Stamps: 00:00 Introduction to Recovery and Coffee 02:59 The Journey of Matt Pryor: From Music to Recovery 06:08 The Impact of Addiction on Lives and Music 08:46 Navigating the Music Scene: Drinking and Creativity 11:56 Romanticizing Addiction in the Music Industry 14:54 Finding Creativity Beyond Substance Use 18:00 The Shift in Music Culture: Sober-Friendly Spaces 20:58 Personal Reflections on Recovery and Creativity 23:55 Defining Success in the Music Industry 31:07 The Evolution of Passion in Music 32:46 Navigating Early Success and Its Pitfalls 34:41 Hitting Rock Bottom: A Journey Through Darkness 36:10 The RoadPlayPlay S2 E42 Something to Write Home About: Recovery with Matt Pryor
• Before the New Show Begins: Chaz Franke on Pain, Healing & Growing the F*ck UpDec 1, 2025 · 1 hr 32 minWho this episode is for: Those walking through the fire of addiction. Anyone who grew up in chaos and called it normal. Parents raising kids with trauma in their eyes. Social workers hanging by a thread. Therapists questioning if they’re helping or just absorbing. And anyone who's ever face-planted in life, looked up, and thought, “Fuck. Now what?” CHAZ FRANKE RETURNS: MENTOR, THERAPIST, TRAUMA SHERPA We took last week off because of Thanksgiving—calm down, we're allowed to have lives. But to make it up to you, we're throwing it back to one of the most powerful convos ever recorded in the Pondoff’s Anonymous studio: Chris and the inimitable Chaz Franke , therapist, mentor, and walking embodiment of “safe adult.” And here’s the real kicker—this isn’t just a rerun. It’s a preview. Chris and Chaz are teaming up to launch a brand-new show under the PA umbrella in the new year. He’s the brilliant. Chris is… well, let’s just say it’s appropriately titled. In this episode, you’ll hear why Chaz has been the go-to guy for the hardest shit in Chris’s life since the ice rink days. They unpack everything from adolescent chaos and Zamboni-fueled misadventures to trauma, addiction, meth, grief, and how the fuck we’re supposed to survive it all. Chaz breaks down why people turn to drugs not because they’re weak, but because the pain is unbearable—and why the world’s answer to that has been to shame them. He explains the realm of hungry ghosts , the devastating weight of childhood neglect, and why trauma isn’t what happened—it’s what never got healed. Raw, funny, heartbreaking, and deeply human—this one’s a time capsule of the broken-to-healing pipeline. And a taste of what’s to come. Chapters: 00:00 Thanksgiving Reflections and Show Launch 01:30 Insurance and Mental Health Support 02:17 Introducing Light in the Dark Coffee 03:39 Personal Milestones and Family News 04:35 Welcoming Chas Frankie: A Mentor's Perspective 08:11 Exploring Trauma and Addiction 10:15 Nostalgic Ice Rink Stories 12:31 Friendship and Shared Memories 20:09 Reflections on Personal Growth and Challenges 27:54 The Journey to Social Work 34:09 First Experiences in Counseling 40:20 Understanding Addiction and Its Roots 49:57 The Impact of Trauma on Addiction 56:02 The Role of Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) 01:04:39 Navigating Mental Health Conversations 01:06:08 Creating Safe Spaces for Therapy 01:09:27 The Concept of Light Source in Therapy 01:12:42 Community Investment and Support 01:14:02 The Impact of Telehealth on Therapy 01:19:35 Feedback and Adaptation in Therapy 01:22:38 The Importance of Safe Adults in Trauma Recovery 01:28:12 Reflections on Personal Growth and Support Mentions: 🧠 Chaz Franke’s therapy practice: <a href="https://findyourlightsPlayPlay Before the New Show Begins: Chaz Franke on Pain, Healing & Growing the F*ck Up
• S2 E41 The F*ck Around ShowNov 24, 2025 · 1 hr 42 minIt’s the F*ck Around Show — and this one is the full buffet: trauma, texting, family dysfunction, emo heart emojis, and coffee that’ll punch you in the soul. Chris, Jeff, and Zoë go deep and unhinged in this raw ride through recovery, relationships, and roasting the sh*t out of each other (and themselves). From whether ghosts can be good friends to why Zoë refuses to text anyone back unless you’re sending emojis with flair, this episode hits all the avoidant-attached neurotic highs and lows. We get into how ACA (Adult Children of Alcoholics) meetings saved people’s a**es, why support groups are for more than addicts, and what it means to be haunted by unhealed sh*t. Pondoff opens up about surviving real violence (yes, whiskey bottles and all), and Zoë shares the exact story of her conception — yes, weed, cheesecake, and genitals are involved. There’s also: Emotional support punch cards Coffee that funds the pod ( https://www.pondoffsanonymous.com ) A musical interlude about inclusive worship songs that’ll have you crying in your recovery mug A debate about Siri voices and Amish communication standards A collective obsession with The Sopranos A quick pitch for executive assistants who also respond to texts (aka unicorns) This ep also features one of the wildest detours into strip clubs, pit bulls, bouncers, and the logistics of Zoe and Kathy house-sitting without burning down Chris’s life. Also, Pondoff says something outrageous in a sermon. So there’s that. Time stamps (DO NOT MISS): 00:00 Introduction to Recovery and Coffee 02:03 Navigating Communication in Friendships 05:56 Understanding Attachment Styles 11:59 Exploring Personal Relationships and Boundaries 17:59 Humorous Anecdotes and Family Dynamics 23:56 Navigating Family Dynamics and Healing 26:20 The Importance of Support Groups 28:00 Avoidance and Communication Challenges 29:49 The Necessity of Change in Recovery 32:00 Facing the Fear of Change 33:58 Reflections on Personal Experiences 35:59 The Role of Music in Healing 39:00 Introducing New Show Concepts 41:55 Promoting Community and Connection 45:02 Coffee and Community Engagement 48:04 Struggles with Weight and Substance Use 51:30 Reflections on The Sopranos 56:03 Personal Dynamics and Relationships 01:01:05 Plans for Future Shows and Guests 01:10:37 Building a Supportive Community 01:13:46 The Power of Shared Stories 01:17:33 Creating a Safe Space for Healing 01:19:55 Redefining Church and Community 01:24:56 The Importance of Connection and Outreach 01:29:50 Transformative Stories of Recovery 01:34:58 Encouragement and Affirmation in Community</PlayPlay S2 E41 The F*ck Around Show
• S2 E40 Gray Area Drinking & Alcohol Freedom with Coach Allison BarberNov 17, 2025 · 1 hr 35 minGet our coffee, Light in the Dark, now at http://pondoffsanonymous.com Sponsored by McKelvey Insurance and LightSource Psychotherapy Who this episode is for: People who drink to take the edge off but can’t figure out why it’s not working Moms barely holding it together while doing all the things Anyone juggling success and secret self-destruction Former athletes still chasing performance highs Folks in the gray zone between “I’m fine” and “I’m falling apart” And the ones who think it’s “just wine” This week, Chris, Jeff, and Zoe sit down with Allison Barber , a former collegiate gymnast turned alcohol freedom coach. Her story isn’t about a dramatic crash. It’s a slow slide—wine every night, quiet disconnection, pretending things are fine when they’re anything but. She got out not through rehab or AA, but by finding This Naked Mind and realizing she didn’t need to hit bottom to change. No rock bottom. No labels. Just truth and science and a better way forward. Now she helps others who feel stuck in the same loop—drinking more than they want to, quietly wondering if it’s a problem, and not sure where to turn. If you're sick of the guilt spiral and tired of trying to out-discipline your drinking, Allison’s approach will hit home. She’s real, honest, and living proof that freedom doesn’t require everything falling apart. You can change your story before it wrecks you. Find her at https://theinsideoutfreedom.com or email allisonbarbercoach@gmail.com Timestamps: 00:00 – Sponsors 03:45 – Meet Allison Barber: gymnast, mom, nightly wine drinker 08:00 – Early perfectionism and pressure 13:15 – Bartles & James and beginning to self-medicate 22:00 – Marriage disconnect and drinking in secret 26:15 – The high-functioning lie 38:10 – Neck injury and the wake-up call 42:00 – Five bottles of wine in Florida 44:30 – Discovering This Naked Mind 53:30 – Becoming a certified coach 58:00 – CoachiPlayPlay S2 E40 Gray Area Drinking & Alcohol Freedom with Coach Allison Barber
• S2 E39 Losing Everything to Find Recovery with Jake DunavantNov 10, 2025 · 2 hr 12 minSponsored by: 🛡️ McKelvey Insurance – https://www.mckelveyins.com 🧠 LightSource Psychotherapy – https://findyourlightsource.com S2 E39 – Losing Everything to Find Recovery with Jake Dunavant Jake Dunavant shows up looking like a suburban dad with a Costco card. But don’t get it twisted. This man has walked through hell with a needle in his arm, kids in the next room, and nothing but chaos between him and redemption. A former union carpenter turned Senior Outreach Coordinator at Illinois Recovery Center, Jake is here to spill all the gut-punching, jaw-dropping, totally human details of his road from varsity wrestling to full-blown heroin addiction to reclaiming his family and purpose. In this wild ride of an episode, the crew dives deep into Jake’s early intro to weed and booze, the rapid-fire escalation to cocaine and opioids, and the business-decision logic of IV heroin use. You’ll hear about the overdoses (plural), the Narcan resurrections, and the terrifying moment DFS swooped in and took his babies while he and his wife were literally overdosing in the same house. And yeah, he came this close to letting it all go to shit. But against all odds, Jake and his wife Tabitha clawed their way back. Custody. Careers. Clean time. Faith. Family. All of it. He opens up about overcompensating as a parent, watching his son fumble a chance to compliment a girl (it’s hilarious), and how guilt-fueled parenting almost screwed them up all over again. You’ll also get the full backstory on how he “courted” his now-wife with a dresser full of pink oxys. Take as many as you want, babe. And the deeply emotional, unshakeable power of hearing your newborn cry, only to stop the second he hears your voice. Yeah, even while you’re high as hell. This one’s messy. It’s raw. It’s fucking real. If you’ve ever been there, or know someone who has, this episode will hit home in the deepest, ugliest, and most healing way. Time Stamps (Do Not Skip These): 00:00 Introduction to the Podcast and Sponsors 06:00 Introducing Jake Dunavant: A Personal Story 14:03 The Role of Alcohol and Drugs in Youth 19:56 The Escalation of Substance Use 21:03 The Dangers of Modern Substance Use 23:03 Parenting Through Addiction 29:15 Overcoming Addiction and Regaining Custody 32:11 The Narcan Experience 36:16 The Role of Family and Faith in Recovery 39:31 Empathy and Understanding in Addiction 42:38 The Complexity of Love and Addiction 45:11 The Journey from Pills to Heroin 50:00 Reflections on Early Relationships and Substance Use 50:40PlayPlay S2 E39 Losing Everything to Find Recovery with Jake Dunavant
• S2 E38 Introducing Zoë MendenallNov 3, 2025 · 1 hr 33 minWho this episode is for: Those navigating trauma like a damn obstacle course. Anyone who’s ever been raised by chaos and still learned how to laugh. People who’ve walked out of therapy like it was a bad Tinder date. Survivors of fucked-up families who still believe in healing. Anyone tired of tiptoeing around their own pain. Those who love a little irreverence with their recovery. And yes— even people who aren’t in recovery but have ever felt like a complete mess trying to hold their shit together . S2 E38 – Introducing Zoë Mendenall This episode is the official introduction to our new co-host—and certified chaos enthusiast— Zoë Mendenall, MSW , trauma warrior, and walking tornado of wit, wounds, and wisdom. Chris and Jeff crack the mic with Zoë, who used to intern for Chris’ wife Ashley, and somehow found her way from clinical work to co-hosting this circus. She’s no stranger to the team—but now she’s on the mic, and she’s unfiltered . Zoë’s story? It’s brutal, beautiful, and deeply human. From growing up in a cyclone of addiction, loss, mental illness, and family trauma—to healing her throat chakra and ditching the vape—Zoë holds nothing back. She’s a proud “Jesus freak,” a therapy regular, a former Twitter menace (“If you’re not trying to mate like an anglerfish, I’m not interested”), and a woman who’s seen the inside of hell and still sings in church. For real. You’ll laugh. You’ll wince. You might cry. But mostly, you’ll feel like you just sat down with a friend who finally said all the shit you’ve been thinking. This is why Zoë belongs here—with us. With you. With this whole messed-up, miraculous community. Oh, and she ghosted Jeff’s Facebook request. So there’s that. CHAPTERS: 00:00 Introduction to Pondoff's Anonymous and Sponsors 02:57 The Impact of Chewing Sounds and Misophonia 06:00 Zoe's Introduction and Her Unique Perspective 08:58 Zoe's Life Experiences and Challenges 12:07 Healing and Recovery: The Role of Vaping and Chakras 14:59 Zoe's Tour of Illinois Recovery Center 18:02 Transformational Journeys in Recovery 20:59 Navigating Online Interactions and Safety Concerns 21:43 The Impact of Social Media on Mental Health 24:41 Navigating Personal Relationships and Boundaries 27:11 Childhood Experiences and Family Dynamics 35:15 Understanding Trauma and Its Long-Term Effects 43:28 Friendship and Community Support 44:53 Launching a New Church Initiative 46:59 Mental Health Conversations 49:41 Navigating Family Dynamics 51:58 Loss and Grief 58:50 Life Changes and Adaptation 01:05:44 Navigating Digital Privacy and Parenting Challenges 01:08:13 The Impact of Show Choir on Personal Growth 01:09:52 Family Dynamics and Emotional Turmoil 01:12:37PlayPlay S2 E38 Introducing Zoë Mendenall
• S2 E37 Valeen & TiffanyOct 27, 2025 · 1 hr 29 minEpisode 37 – The Sisters Who Survived: From Pills to Purpose Who this episode is for: Anyone who’s ever been told to “get your shit together.” Those battling addiction or loving someone who is. The ones who grew up too fast, numbed out too young, or ran too far. And the rest of you who think you’ve heard every addiction story out there—this one will make you shut up and listen. Chapters 00:00 Introduction to the Podcast and Guests 03:07 The Journey of Addiction: Early Experiences 06:00 The Impact of Environment on Substance Use 09:04 Transitioning from Pills to Heroin 12:06 Family Dynamics and Addiction 15:09 The Role of Trauma in Addiction 18:00 The Cycle of Addiction and Recovery 20:58 The Struggles of Active Addiction 24:03 The Reality of Treatment and Relapse 26:59 The Influence of Relationships on Addiction 29:56 Finding Hope and Recovery 32:48 Reflections on the Journey 35:59 Conclusion and Final Thoughts 45:54 Transformative Journeys: Overcoming Addiction 54:46 The Struggles of Withdrawal and Recovery 01:06:20 Finding Balance: Life After Addiction 01:18:27 The Power of Sharing Stories in Recovery Show Notes Chris, Jeff, and the newest chaos conductor Zoe open up Episode 37 with an East Coast energy injection from sisters Valeen and Tiffany — survivors, former addicts, and walking proof that even the wildest flames can cool into something fierce and steady. You might’ve seen them on Soft White Underbelly , but here they go deeper — Jersey grit, Texas dust, and all the dark in-between. From faking prescriptions in high school and running oxy scams with a 50-year-old printer lady to shooting meth in Texas kitchens and hiding dope from dogs (that literally snitched), these two don’t sugarcoat shit. They talk about how pills turned to heroin , how state-funded rehabs can feel like the Wild West , and how sisterhood can be both your downfall and your lifeline. They’ve buried friends, raised kids, lost everything, and somehow still found a way to laugh — the kind of laugh that only comes after years of crying in bathrooms. Tiffany admits she “flashed her tits and fought her sister” before getting sober; Valeen calls rehab her second home. They’re brutally honest about the switch from chaos to clarity — meth-fueled paranoia, vertigo that still haunts, and the terrifying truth that fentanyl has made ‘experimenting’ a death wish. By the time they reach the part about Kensington, Philly — the zombie apocalypse of America’s drug scene — you’ll understand why these women don’t do half measures anymore. Their new high is peace, gratitude, and laughing at their own scars. And yeah, they sPlayPlay S2 E37 Valeen & Tiffany
• S2 E36 Matt MiofskyOct 20, 2025 · 1 hr 17 minPondoff's Anonymous - Episode 36 Show Notes Who this episode is for: Those in recovery, barely holding on, or trying to claw their way in People sober-curious but still actively using Families who’ve lost someone to addiction—or feel like they’re about to Anyone who’s been burned by a church and swore it off for good Spiritual seekers looking for something real, raw, and redemptive And anyone who’s ever thought, “There’s gotta be more to life than this shit” Episode 36 — Matt Miofsky: Building Church for the Fucked-Up and Searching This one’s not your average episode—it’s a blueprint for holy disruption. Pastor Matt Miofsky of The Gathering joins Pondoff and the crew to unpack a radical new venture: Gathering Underground , a Wednesday-night worship space and recovery community aimed straight at the hearts of people deep in addiction, doubt, grief, and the aftermath of church trauma. Matt and Chris don’t sugarcoat it. They talk real—about transformation, identity, spiritual skepticism, and the raw, bleeding edge where recovery meets faith. From humble beginnings with no carpet and a bunch of broken people, The Gathering is launching a new site at 2360 McCausland in St. Louis, smack next to the Walgreens where more than a few folks once did heroin in the parking lot. Now? It’s sacred ground. What you’ll hear: The difference between churches built on fear vs. ones grounded in love Why recovery is more than just sobriety—it’s purpose, calling, and rebirth How to claim an identity (like “pastor” or “addict”) when your soul isn’t ready Stories of relapse, reckoning, baptisms in rehab, and the holy power of a smoke break The gritty launch of a Jesus-centered recovery night for addicts, alcoholics, loved ones, codependents, trauma survivors, and anyone who can’t quite keep their shit together Gathering Underground isn’t trying to be another Sunday morning —this is midweek medicine for the walking wounded. Whether you’re detoxing, dragging kids with you, or just there for the coffee and conversation, this community is for you. No guilt. No shame. Just people who get it. Location: Wednesdays @ 6 PM The Gathering McCausland – 2360 McCausland Ave, St. Louis, MO Accessible by two major bus stops Free pizza, smoke breaks encouraged Narcan on site Childcare provided Music won’t be your grandma’s hymns Follow The Gathering on Instagram: @gatheringnow Learn more or get involved: https://gatheringnow.org CHAPTERS: 00:00 IPlayPlay S2 E36 Matt Miofsky
• S2 E36 Matt MiofskyOct 20, 2025 · 1 hr 18 minPondoff's Anonymous - Episode 36 Show Notes Who this episode is for: Those in recovery, barely holding on, or trying to claw their way in People sober-curious but still actively using Families who’ve lost someone to addiction—or feel like they’re about to Anyone who’s been burned by a church and swore it off for good Spiritual seekers looking for something real, raw, and redemptive And anyone who’s ever thought, “There’s gotta be more to life than this shit” Episode 36 — Matt Miofsky: Building Church for the Fucked-Up and Searching This one’s not your average episode—it’s a blueprint for holy disruption. Pastor Matt Miofsky of The Gathering joins Pondoff and the crew to unpack a radical new venture: Gathering Underground , a Wednesday-night worship space and recovery community aimed straight at the hearts of people deep in addiction, doubt, grief, and the aftermath of church trauma. Matt and Chris don’t sugarcoat it. They talk real—about transformation, identity, spiritual skepticism, and the raw, bleeding edge where recovery meets faith. From humble beginnings with no carpet and a bunch of broken people, The Gathering is launching a new site at 2360 McCausland in St. Louis, smack next to the Walgreens where more than a few folks once did heroin in the parking lot. Now? It’s sacred ground. What you’ll hear: The difference between churches built on fear vs. ones grounded in love Why recovery is more than just sobriety—it’s purpose, calling, and rebirth How to claim an identity (like “pastor” or “addict”) when your soul isn’t ready Stories of relapse, reckoning, baptisms in rehab, and the holy power of a smoke break The gritty launch of a Jesus-centered recovery night for addicts, alcoholics, loved ones, codependents, trauma survivors, and anyone who can’t quite keep their shit together Gathering Underground isn’t trying to be another Sunday morning —this is midweek medicine for the walking wounded. Whether you’re detoxing, dragging kids with you, or just there for the coffee and conversation, this community is for you. No guilt. No shame. Just people who get it. Location: Wednesdays @ 6 PM The Gathering McCausland – 2360 McCausland Ave, St. Louis, MO Accessible by two major bus stops Free pizza, smoke breaks encouraged Narcan on site Childcare provided Music won’t be your grandma’s hymns Follow The Gathering on Instagram: <a href="https://www.instagram.com/gatheringnow/" target="_bPlayPlay S2 E36 Matt Miofsky
• S2 E35 Scott SpiezioOct 13, 2025 · 2 hr 2 minPondoff’s Anonymous — S2 E35 — Scott Spiezio body{font-family:system-ui,-apple-system,Segoe UI,Roboto,Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;line-height:1.6;margin:24px;color:#0f172a;background:#fff} h1,h2,h3{line-height:1.25;margin:0 0 .6rem} h1{font-size:1.8rem} h2{font-size:1.25rem;margin-top:1.25rem} h3{font-size:1.1rem;margin-top:1rem} .section{margin-bottom:1.25rem;padding-bottom:.75rem;border-bottom:1px solid #e5e7eb} ul{margin:.5rem 0 .25rem 1.25rem} .mono{font-family:ui-monospace,SFMono-Regular,Menlo,Monaco,Consolas,"Liberation Mono","Courier New",monospace} S2 E35 — “Scott Spiezio: World Series Rings, Red Soul Patch, and Recovery” Who this episode is for: Those battling addiction or depression. Anyone who’s been crushed by success, fame, or the weight of their own expectations. The baseball die-hards who remember that red soul patch and the 2006 World Series run. Parents and families trying to understand addiction in someone they love. Anyone who’s ever thought they were “too far gone.” And honestly — anyone who’s ever made a mess of their life and had to start over. Description Former MLB star and two-time World Series champion Scott Spiezio sits down with Chris Pondoff and Jeff Allen for one of the rawest conversations yet. From standing on top of the baseball world with the Angels and Cardinals to hiding vodka in the clubhouse and doing lines before games, Spiezio opens up about addiction, ego, family, and finding redemption. This one’s a ride — full of truth bombs, laughter, and brutal honesty. No filters, no PR polish, just real talk from a man who’s lived both sides of the dream. Timestamps 00:00 Introduction and Sponsorships 02:59 Meet Scott Spiezio: Music and Baseball Background 09:20 Musical Influences and Family Connections 12:02 Family Dynamics and Personal Interests 16:07 Early Signs of Athletic Talent 19:00 The Journey to Major League Baseball 23:04 Mental Preparation and Visualization Techniques 25:59 Reflections on Retirement and Addiction 30:07 Navigating Recovery and Personal Growth 32:10 Defying the Odds: From Sports to Music 39:07 Injury and Mental Health: The Turning Point 45:55 The Descent into Alcoholism 55:56 The Highs anPlayPlay S2 E35 Scott Spiezio
• S2 E34 Sean KeeleyOct 6, 2025 · 1 hr 28 minEpisode 34 – Pondoff's Anonymous Who this episode is for: Anyone deep in the bottle and lying to themselves The “functioning” alcoholics hiding bottles in the garage Friends or family watching someone drink themselves to death People in recovery who still white-knuckle their way through a gas station Anyone who’s ever told themselves “I’ve got it under control” People who don’t think they have a drinking problem—but maybe do 🎙️ Episode 34 – Breathalyzers, 99 Bananas, and One Man’s Relentless Fight to Stay Sober Sean Keeley joins Chris and Jeff (Jakob’s out for a month—he’s off getting married, congrats you beautiful bastard) to drop a quiet bomb of a story—the kind that doesn’t come with sirens and flashing lights, just slow, silent self-destruction. No DUIs. No arrests. No bar fights. Just airplane bottles hidden in gloveboxes, vodka disguised as water, and a growing sense of dread that everything was about to fall apart. Sean lays out how he went from managing people and showing up to work every day to drinking 15 mini bottles of 99 Bananas before checking into rehab. Twice. And when the second round didn’t stick, he didn’t quit. He built his own system. Breathalyzers at home and in the car. Daily accountability to his wife and coworkers. A plan with no wiggle room. This episode isn’t about hitting bottom. It’s about what happens when you’re about to and decide to turn the wheel. ⏱️ Episode Breakdown: 00:00 – Introduction and Sponsorships McKelvey Insurance (https://www.mckelveyins.com/) and LightSource Psychotherapy (https://findyourlightsource.com/) 02:25 – Golfing Experiences and Personal Stories Cold brews, bad golf, hipster confessions, and rake-stepping laughs. 12:12 – Introducing Sean and His Unique Story Quiet alcoholism that didn’t look chaotic—until it was. 24:00 – The Journey to Acknowledging Alcoholism Sharpie bottle lines. Hidden Jameson. Growing denial. 26:24 – The Journey to Recovery Begins First stint in rehab. Detox. Relapse after 45 days. 30:30 – The Struggles of Sobriety The 99 Bananas episode. Hiding the drinking better. Medical red flags. 39:48 – Finding Accountability in Recovery Breathalyzers at home and work. No escape hatch. 46:49 – The Role of Medication in Sobriety From Trazodone to Naltrexone to nothing. 54:42 – Building a Support System Wife, coworkers, radical honesty—not AA this time. 55:15 – Facing the Consequences of Addiction Liver failure warnings. Watching others die fromPlayPlay S2 E34 Sean Keeley
• S2 E33 Taylor StreiffSep 29, 2025 · 2 hrS2 E33 Taylor Streiff Sponsors McKelvey Insurance LightSource Psychotherapy Links Ben’s Friends St. Louis Taylor Streiff Instagram Who this episode is for Musicians who drink more than they practice Restaurant industry lifers trying to stay off the sauce Those battling anxiety, addiction, and the lies they told to cover both Family members supporting someone in recovery Anyone who's ever made a mess of their life and called it "normal" Guest Taylor Streiff — Musician, Former Heavyweight Boozer, and Proof That Recovery Can Rock Taylor Streiff rolls into Pondoff's Anonymous with his whole damn soul. He's got restaurant war stories, musician grind tales, and a past soaked in UV Blue and regret. But this isn't your typical redemption arc—this one's got a jukebox, a jazz fest, and enough self-inflicted chaos to fill an HBO mini-series. From getting misdiagnosed and medicated as an anxious kid, to puking UV Blue into a blue toilet, to touring the country as a piano-playing savant, Taylor takes us through his decades-long detour into addiction and how he finally got clean enough to be present for the people he loves. If you've ever thrown up and said "never again" only to do it all again the next night, welcome to church. Chapters 00:00 Introduction to Pondoff's Anonymous and Sponsors 01:45 Meet Taylor Streiff: A Journey in Music and Recovery 06:03 The Impact of Family and Community in Recovery 08:58 Ego and the Struggles of Addiction 11:58 Musical Beginnings and Influences 17:52 The Spiritual Connection to Music 21:57 Navigating Introversion and Anxiety in Music and Life 23:20 Understanding Introversion and Extroversion 25:05 Navigating Anxiety and Misdiagnosis 27:48 High School Experiences and Social Dynamics 30:54 First Jobs and the Restaurant Industry 34:53 College Aspirations and Musical Journey 42:30 Rejection and Finding a Path 44:33 Freshman Year: Love, Loss, and Lessons 49:39 Confronting Loss and Addiction 52:40 The Illusion of Normalcy 56:14 The Struggles of a Touring Musician 01:01:11 The Turning Point: A Move to St. Louis 01:08:43 The COVID-19 Impact on Drinking Habits 01:13:16 The Journey Begins: From Bar Back to Bartender 01:15:06 Facing Personal Challenges: Family Health Crises 01:16:32 The Turning Point: Seeking Help and AA 01:18:37 Struggles with Sobriety: The Reality of AddiPlayPlay S2 E33 Taylor Streiff
• S2 E32 Kristin CaseySep 22, 2025 · 1 hr 53 minWho this episode is for: Anyone who has loved an addict and didn’t know what to do. People drowning in codependency and calling it love. Addicts who swore they would never end up like their parents. Folks in recovery who still flinch at intimacy. And anyone not in recovery who keeps setting their life on fire and calling it growth. Kristin Casey shows up with zero filters. She is a recovering addict, former sex worker, author, and the ex-girlfriend of Joe Walsh from the Eagles. This is not a glamorized rock story. It is a brutally honest look at addiction, survival, and the messy miracle of healing. Chris and Jeff dig into modern drug dangers, the collapse of intimacy in addiction, sex work, sobriety, and spiritual growth that actually sticks. Kristin talks about stopping the running, coming back to herself, and why recovery is not just quitting. It is becoming someone new. There is heartbreak, heavy truth, raw honesty, and still a few laughs. Chapters 00:00 Introduction to the Conversation 01:54 The Impact of Addiction on Lives 04:52 Personal Stories of Struggle and Recovery 07:57 The Evolution of Substance Abuse 11:05 The Role of Environment in Addiction 14:02 The Dangers of Modern Drugs 17:10 The Journey Through Recovery 19:55 The Influence of Relationships on Addiction 23:11 The Challenges of Treatment 25:54 Reflections on Sobriety and Life After Addiction 38:31 A Fateful Meeting with Joe Walsh 42:52 Navigating Love and Heartbreak 46:05 The Descent into Addiction 51:13 The Impact of Substance Abuse 55:09 Understanding Addiction Through Literature 01:00:24 Healing Relationships and Personal Growth 01:05:40 The Journey of Forgiveness 01:10:00 Finding Purpose in Recovery 01:16:07 Finding a Second Chance 01:19:13 The Struggle for Sobriety 01:22:46 The Role of Spirituality in Recovery 01:25:27 Empowering Others Through Experience 01:29:43 Transitioning from Sex Work to Coaching 01:33:43 Navigating Vulnerability in Relationships 01:48:01 Supporting Women in Recovery Kristin Casey’s Books Explore her work here: https://www.kristincasey.com/ TPlayPlay S2 E32 Kristin Casey
• S2 E31 Tyrone HillSep 15, 2025 · 2 hrWho this episode is for: Anyone who has OD’d and woke up to their dad’s eyes burning a hole through their soul Anyone still lying to themselves about being “good” while they’re dying inside The hardened lifers who think recovery's just for weaklings Those doing time (inside or outside the walls) Young people getting clean before they hit 30 Anyone who’s ever made a mess of their life and thought, “Shit, this is just who I am now.” Tyrone Hill joins Chris, Jeff, and Jakob for a no-bullshit journey through the depths of addiction, prison cells, overdoses, and ultimately, redemption. This isn’t some after-school special. It’s raw, it’s real, and it might just rattle your soul. Tyrone is the Associate Director of Amare NFP , a badass recovery community organization (RCO) serving Madison and St. Clair Counties in Illinois. They don’t charge a damn thing. Peer-led, heart-forward. Check them out: https://amarenfp.org He shares his story of running the streets, doing 9 prison bids, and sleeping in hallways in Ferguson before surrendering to a new way of life. It took honesty. Humility. And his dad looking at him like he was already in a casket. Tyrone doesn’t sugarcoat shit. He lays out the difference between playing at recovery and actually living it. He and the boys also dig deep into: Why fentanyl makes old-school heroin look like Flintstone vitamins What makes prison such a dangerous place for addicts The difference between working a program and just showing up Why the lifestyle is sometimes harder to give up than the drugs Building recovery from a 23-and-1 lockdown Why 12-steps ain't just for old white dudes How sponsors will break your balls (but save your life) If you’re in Madison or St. Clair County and need support: Visit: https://amarenfp.org Email: info@amarenfp.org FULL TIMESTAMP BREAKDOWN: 00:00 Introduction and Sponsorships 02:17 Labor Day Reflections and Upcoming Guests 04:49 Introducing Tyrone Hill and His Background 07:02 The Mission of Amari and Recovery Support 10:13 Tyrone’s Early Life and Influences 14:56 Struggles with Addiction and Gang Involvement 18:03 Turning Point: Getting Clean 22:10 Family Dynamics and Accountability 27:31 Reflections on Recovery and Relationships 33:23 The Pain of Addiction and Overdose 36:23 Life in Prison: Struggles and Realizations 40:19 The Harsh Reality of Drug Use in Prison 45:41 Finding Purpose: Recovery and Helping Others 49:30 Defining Moments: The Impact of FaPlayPlay S2 E31 Tyrone Hill
• S2 E30 Just the BoysSep 1, 2025 · 1 hr 46 minNext week we’ll return to your regularly scheduled programming. This week? We’re fucking off. No guest. No structure. Just Chris, Jeff, and Jakob bullshitting their way through Episode 30, all over the damn place. Some of it is pure inside baseball—pulling back the curtain on what it looks like to actually run this ship called Pondoff’s Anonymous. Behind-the-scenes sponsor talk, how the pod even keeps the lights on, and the realities of building something that’s equal parts chaos and mission. But it’s not all production chatter—we veer hard into: Scammy fake rehab centers in Arizona targeting Native communities Real recovery work with people like Rikki Fulmer and the mission of Turning Point KC (https://aturningpointkc.org) The spark of a Wednesday night “spiritual refugee” gathering and what radical inclusivity in recovery could look like Why rage-fueled algorithms run the internet, and how to fight back by supporting good shit instead of doomscrolling hate Peanut butter, prednisone, and the little dopamine bombs that replace the old vices Linkin Park, bachelor parties, back injuries, celebrity rejection emails, and more tangents than a geometry textbook Messy? Absolutely. Valuable? If you’ve ever wondered how recovery, podcasting, and real life all collide, this one shows it in raw form. 00:00 – Introduction to Sponsors and Mental Health Support 02:22 – Celebrating Milestones and Community Engagement 05:22 – Personal Stories and Connections in Recovery 07:56 – The Importance of Community in Recovery 10:27 – Cultural References and Humor in Recovery 12:56 – Challenges in the Treatment Industry 15:55 – Navigating Personal Relationships and Recovery 18:14 – The Role of Humor in Healing 21:12 – Engagement and Growth of the Podcast 23:50 – Celebrity Outreach and Podcast Goals 26:36 – The Impact of Personal Stories on Recovery 29:15 – Future Plans and Community Events 32:09 – Reflections on Personal Growth and Therapy 34:52 – Engaging with the Audience and Building Community 37:24 – Final Thoughts and Encouragement for Listeners 49:03 – Aging and Physical Challenges 51:41 – Pain Management and Medication Experiences 53:58 – Personal Growth and Relationships 56:20 – Community and Support in Recovery 59:10 – The Importance of Open-Mindedness 01:02:24 – Creating a Safe Space for Healing 01:05:26 – Authenticity in Spirituality 01:08:32 – Navigating Personal and Social Issues 01:11:06 – Content Creation and Community Engagement 01:20:50 – Vegas Winnings & Catering Bills 01:21:35 – Arousal Template Trouble 01:22:14 – Do Friends Even Listen? 01:23:01 – Music by Jeff on Thursdays 01:24:46 – Toby Keith, PPlayPlay S2 E30 Just the Boys
• S2 E29 Mike MorrisonAug 25, 2025 · 2 hr 11 minChris, Jeff, and Jakob sit down with Mike Morrison —a Kirkwood kid turned full-blown heroin hustler who somehow lived to tell about it. This one is heavy and hilarious in equal measure: psychedelic trips, fake draft dodges, junkie schemes, spiritual awakenings, and the hard grind of clawing out of the pit. We’re talking about a guy who went from listening to Hendrix on hash in the ’60s to shooting MDA in a shitty Missouri apartment, rolling Jeeps on barbiturates, scheming with check fraud, and nearly knocking over pharmacies for Dilaudid. And somehow, by the grace of God (or maybe just sheer stubbornness), Mike made it out alive to share decades of recovery wisdom. Expect stories about Vegas bachelor parties in recovery, psychedelic cave trips with Rastafarians, hustling through shame, and the miracle of finally surrendering. And of course, the hosts bring the usual mix of gallows humor, chaos, and truth bombs that only Pondoff’s Anonymous can deliver. 00:00 – Chris kicks it off with sponsors: McKelvey Insurance ( https://mckelveyins.com ) and LightSource Psychotherapy ( https://findyourlightsource.com ). Brutally honest insurance talk and a heartfelt plug for therapy. 02:18 – Jeff Allen joins the pod, and the guys riff on late wives, hats that say “Make Boofing Great Again,” and recovery swag. 06:05 – Vegas bachelor party recap: blackjack tables, sand dunes, and the absurdity of 10 guys in long-term recovery tearing up Sin City. 11:39 – Music talk: Dead shows, LSD in vials, and why half the kids in Kirkwood in the ’60s ended up junkies. 15:01 – Growing up in picture-perfect Kirkwood… with a heroin problem waiting right around the corner. 20:05 – College life derailed by weed, speed, psychedelics, and the draft. Mizzou couldn’t handle him—Merrimack, SMS, Jamaica trips, and a lot of wasted potential. 24:43 – The allure of psychedelics: peyote, mushrooms, acid, and the lies of anti-drug scare films. 28:31 – How “everyone was doing it” normalized drug use. 30:51 – Consequences piling up: busts, probation, and shady probation officers. 35:30 – The slide into heroin, needles, and a whole new level of shame. 42:30 – Identity crisis, small social circles, hustling, and burning bridges. 49:01 – Hustling to survive: check-kiting, pawning, scams, and scraping by any way possible. 50:59 – The depths of desperation: overdoses, shame, and hustling Dilaudid with his own dad unknowingly in on the scheme. 53:54 – First detox attempts, methadone maintenance, and being 12-stepped for the first time by a doctor. <stroPlayPlay S2 E29 Mike Morrison
• S2 E28 Shannon BradleyAug 18, 2025 · 2 hr 20 minPondoff’s Anonymous Episode: Shannon Bradley Who this episode is for Anyone who ever drank screwdrivers in 4th grade and called it “just weekends.” People buried in addiction or clawing their way out with bloody fingernails. Families of addicts who’ve been through the emotional woodchipper. People who confuse “love” with “attention” and keep paying for it in scars. Anyone who’s ever chased that warm-blanket drug feeling until it tried to kill them. Folks who think Franklin County tourism starts and ends at the jail. Episode summary Chris, Jeff, and Jakob fire up the mics with guest Shannon Bradley for a ride that’s equal parts gut punch and gallows humor. Shannon takes them from nine-year-old vodka drinker to behavioral health tech at Illinois Recovery Center, and she doesn’t skip a single ugly or ridiculous beat. This one’s loaded First drink at NINE. Pills by 13. Dating older guys who should’ve been carded by morals. Franklin County’s unofficial export: addicts and overdoses. Ketamine with Dad and couch-surfing as “home.” Why overdoses meant the drugs were “good.” The night she overdosed, died, got revived, and got robbed—all in one run. Shooting Dilaudid for the first time and describing it like a romance novel you can’t put down. How “getting kicked out of the hospital for a bigger OD” is somehow a thing. Folding a stranger’s laundry and making him cry—service work that matters. The long, bloody road out of toxic relationships, dope sickness, and Franklin County’s gravitational pull. It’s not sanitized. It’s not “inspirational” in that cheesy, poster-on-the-wall way. It’s real, raw, and hilarious in the “you laugh because otherwise you’d cry” way. Chris, Jeff, and Jakob keep the conversation moving, trading digs, throwing lifelines, and sometimes just letting the silence hit. Episode timeline 00:00 Introduction and Sponsorships 02:18 Weekend Experiences and Recovery Insights 05:26 Introducing Shannon: A Journey Begins 08:33 Shannon's Early Life and Struggles 11:24 The Impact of Substance Use 19:42 Emotional Challenges and Mental Health Awareness 23:37 The Transition from Pills to Heroin 26:01 Navigating High School and Early Relationships 29:10 The Impact of Family and Environment on Addiction 35:30 The Role of Service in Recovery 39:23 Escaping Toxic Relationships and Finding Self-Worth 51:25 Understanding Mental Health and Diagnosis 54:46 The Impact of Medication and Trauma 55:15 Struggles with Addiction and Relationships 01:00:51 The Allure of Substance Use 01:04:11 Overdoses and Consequences 01:10:17 The Journey Through Treatment 01:17:36 Facing LegaPlayPlay S2 E28 Shannon Bradley
• S2 E27 Rafe WilliamsAug 11, 2025 · 2 hr 46 minWho this episode is for: - Those deep in the pit of addiction, wondering if they’ll ever climb out - Folks who’ve seen the rock bottom but haven’t called it quits yet - Survivors of abusive homes who weaponized humor to survive - Anyone who’s ever stayed up for three days to “just keep drinking” - People still haunted by a childhood home wrapped in vines - Comedy fans who love stand-up that punches truth in the face - Anyone who’s ever looked in the mirror and hated what stared back - And especially: People *not* in recovery but battling their own bullshit --- Episode 27: Rafe Williams — Comedian, Sobriety Savage, and Trauma Alchemist Rafe Williams doesn’t pull punches. Onstage or off. In this raw-ass sit-down with Chris, Jeff, and Jakob, he peels back the curtain on a life that started in the coal-mining bars of Dowell, Illinois, and took a detour through abusive childhood, drunken barstool nights, cocaine-fueled “fun,” and finally—mercifully—sobriety. This one is messy, hilarious, brutally honest, and damn near spiritual. From getting his ass beat “just because” by his dad, to forging laughter as survival, to hitting a rock bottom not with a bang but a long, slow skid—Rafe lays it all bare. You’ll laugh. You’ll wince. You might cry. You’ll definitely hear the gospel of “Fuck you, I’m done” recovery. And yeah—he’s funny as hell the whole way through. 🔥 Don't Miss: - Why Rafe says *The Artist’s Way* helped him more than some AA groups: https://juliacameronlive.com/the-artists-way/ - His insane camcorder prank that hijacked a family Christmas - The trauma of watching your childhood home literally rot - His message to anyone who slid into his DMs and didn’t hear back: "Send another one. I'm trying, motherfucker.” - PreventEd shoutout: the org that helps real people find real treatment: https://prevented.org/ - Rafe’s upcoming stand-up benefit show on September 6 at COCA in St. Louis: https://www.cocastl.org/ - Why forgiveness without an apology might be your only way out --- ⏱️ Episode Timestamp Breakdown 00:00 Introduction and Sponsorships 05:59 Personal Stories of Addiction and Sobriety 11:51 Growing Up in Southern Illinois 17:59 Navigating Life After Addiction 30:19 Reflections on Self-Identity and Sobriety 36:02 The Power of Disgust as a Motivator 42:02 Facing the Past and Forgiveness 48:00 The Role of Humor and Creativity in Healing 01:03:43 The Weight of Potential: A Friend's Wake-Up Call 01:09:12 Friendship and Hard Truths: The Cost of Caring 01:17:30 Navigating Recovery: The Journey of Self-Discovery 01:23:02 Rebuilding Reputation: The Path to RedPlayPlay S2 E27 Rafe Williams
• S2 E26 "Kat"Aug 4, 2025 · 2 hr 14 minTrigger Warning: This episode contains discussions of trauma, antisemitism, abuse (emotional, physical, and sexual), drug use, suicidal ideation, and a suicide attempt. Listener discretion is advised. Who this episode is for: Anyone who’s ever tried to fill the void with drugs, booze, bad relationships—or all of the above Trauma survivors who are still standing (barely or proudly) Ravers who thought hiding drugs in the desert was a genius idea Parents wondering if their “tough love” is really just emotional neglect The curious and the nosy who’ve ever wondered what transcranial magnetic stimulation is Anyone who’s ever made a glorious mess of their 20s Episode 26 is a ride—raw, relentless, and painfully real. Chris, Jeff, and Jakob sit down with Kat, who walked through fire (sometimes literally at raves) and lived to tell the tale with her husband Thomas in her corner. From growing up Jewish in a Midwest Bible Belt town laced with antisemitism, to navigating parentification, panic attacks, and isolation, Kat’s story smashes the silence around trauma, mental health, and addiction. We go deep: acid trips in fields, insane raves (including Electric Daisy Carnival, complete with cartel encounters and meth bombs), and opioids masquerading as “waves of happiness.” Kat calls this period her "Dark Ages"—eight years of high-end drugs, toxic relationships, and self-destruction dressed up as glamour. But it’s not all doom. Kat talks recovery after a suicide attempt, how Jewish cultural stigma around mental health nearly killed her, and how she found real help—like TMS (transcranial magnetic stimulation) therapy, rave scenes that doubled as misfit family, and ultimately, love. This one’s got everything: hallucinogens, birthright trips to Israel, a landlord “member of the tribe,” kidney stones, rave drugs imported from China, and dancing until your serotonin collapses. 00:00 Introduction and Sponsorships 02:19 Personal Retreat and Reflections 04:48 Welcoming Kat: A Courageous Story 06:15 Trauma and Social Justice Advocacy 09:03 Cultural Perspectives on Mental Health 12:59 The Impact of Community on Mental Health 14:20 Experiences of Antisemitism and Isolation 21:50 Parentification and Family Dynamics 28:31 Struggles with Mental Health and Coping Mechanisms 33:54 The Impact of Neglect vs. Physical Abuse 34:55 Coping Mechanisms: Alcohol and Substance Use 36:46 Body Image and Eating Disorders in Dance 41:04 The Struggles of College Life and Substance Abuse 47:42 Exploring Alternative Therapies: TMS and Psychedelics 56:17 The Pain of Kidney Stones 59:15 Dating and Self-Worth 01:01:52 The Dark Ages of Abuse 01:03:44 Rave Culture and Escapism 01:11:10 The Descent into AddiPlayPlay S2 E26 "Kat"
• S2 Bonus: Jeff StevensJul 28, 2025 · 55 minOriginally from season one, we are excited to share this episode again. Jeff Stevens of WellBeing Brewing joined us back in 2020. We'll be back next week!PlayPlay S2 Bonus: Jeff Stevens
• S2 E25 Karissa Jones (with Nathaniel Carpenter)Jul 21, 2025 · 1 hr 43 minWho this episode is for: Anyone who’s lost someone they couldn’t save Those navigating addiction—from the inside or from the sidelines Siblings who’ve had to be the strong one Moms who’ve done everything and still blame themselves Anyone who’s ever made a mess of their life Episode 25 – “Jordan, Jack in the Box, and the Shit We Carry” Pondoff’s Anonymous is brought to you by: McKelvey Insurance – Real humans, no bullshit. Whether it’s personal or commercial coverage, they work with over 30 companies to find the best rate without screwing you over. Call or text 618-623-0080 or hit the site: https://mckelveyins.com LightSource Psychotherapy – Based in Belleville, IL, they offer individual, family, and group therapy. If you’re struggling with addiction, grief, mental health—or just life—check them out: https://findyourlightsource.com Chris and Jeff are holding it down while Jakob’s on vacation (he’s not sipping margaritas, he’s probably still waiting on his bag at Lambert with a virgin piña colada in hand). Joining the show is Karissa Jones , a civilian, a sister, and someone who knows the long, brutal road of loving an addict. Her brother Jordan died at 27 after years of battling heroin addiction, bipolar disorder, and the rehab-relapse rinse cycle that so many families know too well. This episode goes deep—into grief, guilt, mental illness, and the kind of trauma that doesn’t let you sleep. No sugarcoating. No easy answers. Just honesty, dark humor, and some much-needed humanity. ⏱ Timestamp Breakdown 0:00 – 6:00 – Chris plugs McKelvey Insurance ( https://mckelveyins.com ) and LightSource Psychotherapy in Belleville, IL ( https://findyourlightsource.com ), then drops us right into it. 6:01 – 15:00 – God, grief, and all the ways people try to spiritualize survival. Buddhism, Jesus, and why Chris built a “wisdom team.” 15:01 – 25:00 – Childhood chaos, stolen cars, Jack in the Box, and Jordan showing up on a mini bike to shut it all down. 25:01 – 35:00 – Karissa opens up about finding Jordan’s first suicide notes at 16. 35:01 – 45:00 – Attempt two. Karissa becomes the cleanup crew. 20 suicide videos. “I’m not glad I’m alive.” 45:01 – 55:00 – Bipolar disorder, self-medicating, and meds that mess you up worse than the illness. 55:01 – 1:05:00 – The Florida rehab shuffle. Jordan’s final tePlayPlay S2 E25 Karissa Jones (with Nathaniel Carpenter)
• S2 E24 Kelly Burton and Kevin SaakJul 14, 2025 · 1 hr 40 min🚨 Trigger Warning: This episode includes frank and emotional discussion of childhood sexual abuse, addiction, relapse, hospitalization, and incarceration. It’s raw, real, and may be triggering for listeners with past trauma. We don’t hold back—because healing doesn’t either. Listener discretion is strongly advised. --- Who this episode is for: – Anyone who’s ever looked in the mirror and thought, “What the actual f*ck am I doing with my life?” – People buried in addiction or dragging themselves out of it with broken fingernails. – Survivors of trauma who are sick of pretending they’re fine. – The families still standing by, hoping for a miracle that doesn’t come in a straight line. – And those not in recovery who can’t look away from a comeback story that punches you in the gut and somehow still makes you laugh. --- 🎙️ Episode Title: Kelly, Kevin & the Magic of Mayhem Chris and Jakob sit down with Kelly and Kevin—two beautifully wrecked humans with a love story that starts in relapse, crashes through jail cells and hospital beds, and somehow circles back to spiritual magic. Kelly was 9 years sober… and then wasn’t. Kevin was the “do-not-call” guy she called anyway. There’s vape smoke, ER visits, dead grandmas, addiction-fueled lies, and somehow, still… hope. This one’s rawer than a sunburn, funnier than it should be, and way too real to be fiction. --- ⏱️ Timestamp Breakdown: 0:00 – 5:27 Chris kicks it off with a warning: this one’s gonna hit hard. Jakob’s smiling like he knows we’re all about to cry. Kelly and Kevin introduce themselves and the chaos begins. 5:28 – 14:12 Kelly talks about relapsing after nearly a decade sober. Kevin’s the guy from her past who walks right into the storm. Jakob asks the questions we’re all too afraid to ask. 14:13 – 24:37 Hospitalizations. Jail. A Vegas wedding that shouldn't have worked but somehow did. Kevin shows up when Kelly’s at rock bottom, and the story shifts. 24:38 – 32:00 Grandma’s jewelry box becomes a full-blown spiritual metaphor. Chris gets choked up. Kevin didn’t plan on being anyone’s savior—he just wanted to get laid. 32:01 – 44:55 Vape pens and half-truths. Jakob introduces the word “magic.” Everyone tries to laugh through the pain. Kelly's in and out of consciousness. Kevin’s showing up even though he’s not all there himself. 44:56 – 1:00:33 Kelly wakes up in the hospital and Kevin is by her side. Jakob calls it divine. Chris just yells “That’s God!” a few times. Everyone agrees it’s something. 1:00:34 – 1:19:45 Kevin talks about his past—dealing, stealing, manipulating—and how recovery didn’t start until the lies stopped. Kelly opens up abPlayPlay S2 E24 Kelly Burton and Kevin Saak
• S2 E23 Shaun Weiss aka Goldberg from The Mighty DucksJul 7, 2025 · 1 hr 12 minS2 E23 - Shaun Weiss Show Notes Who this episode is for: Those addicted to drugs and/or alcohol Anyone who's ever woke up not knowing what city they're in (or why there's a meth pipe under their pillow) People who thought Goldberg from The Mighty Ducks just "fell off" Fans of 90s nostalgia with a side of real-life wreckage Anyone who's ever made a mess of their life (and wants a way out) S2 E23 - Shaun Weiss aka Goldberg from The Mighty Ducks You think you know Goldberg? Think again. Shaun Weiss joins the pod and rips the mask off the chaos, the meth, the mugshots, and what it really took to crawl out of hell. In this raw and unflinching episode, Chris, Jeff, and Jakob sit down with actor, comedian, and walking resurrection story Shaun Weiss —aka Goldberg the goalie from The Mighty Ducks franchise. You probably saw his mugshot a few years back and thought, "Damn, what the hell happened to Goldberg?" Well, he's here to tell you. Shaun dives into his brutal addiction spiral, shady rehab scams, and rock bottom moments that nearly killed him—meth binges, jail cells, and stolen needles. This isn't a Lifetime movie; it's gritty truth with a shot of hope. But there's redemption, too. Shaun breaks down how he got sober, the spiritual tools that actually worked for him (spoiler: not rehab horses), and how he's now turning that wreckage into a new life—including stand-up comedy, public speaking, and a whole new mindset powered by joy, not just survival. He even plugs Isha Kriya meditation from Sadhguru: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EwQkfoKxRvo . From Ducks memories and Dawson's Creek near-misses to hiding AA meetings inside bullshit treatment centers, this episode is equal parts hilarious, horrifying, and healing. Oh, and yeah, Goldberg had the hots for Julie the Cat. We said what we said. Timestamps: 0:00 – Egyptian Workspace Partners ad 1:03 – Shaun drops bars, Pondoff fanboys out 2:37 – The Mighty Ducks legacy + Shaun's hockey conversion 5:45 – Duck teammates and NHL connections 6:38 – Dawson's Creek almost-casting and 90s commercials 7:42 – Royalty checks and childhood acting perks 8:45 – The real start of addiction 11:01 – Body brokering and how rehab became a racket 13:02 – Scholarship to rehab via Ducks nostalgia 14:01 – Mugshots, surrender, jailhouse awakening 17:01 – What really flips the switch in recovery 19:03 – Shaun's spiritual moment 22:28 – Booze and a 12-pack-a-day hellscape 25:40 – Opioid spiral + Vicodin chemistry 28:45 – CVS scavenger hunts 30:42 – MePlayPlay S2 E23 Shaun Weiss aka Goldberg from The Mighty Ducks
• S2 E22 Jeff BrennemanJun 30, 2025 · 1 hr 50 minWho this episode is for: Anyone who feels like they were an alcoholic before their first drink Parents secretly hating the newborn phase Therapists who drink alone and pretend it’s fine People who nurse a beer until it becomes a personality trait Anyone who’s ever made a mess of their life Episode 22: Therapist, Addict, Jesus-Lover — Jeff Brenneman Uncensored Strap in, degenerates. This one veers from Bible college to blackout whiskey nights, with a surprise stop for tea with the Taliban. Chris, Jeff, and Jakob welcome Jeff Brenneman, Clinical Director at Illinois Recovery Center . Once on track to be a preacher, Jeff’s life swerved through addiction, fatherhood breakdowns, and some very questionable DIY detoxing (do not recommend). This dude was an alcoholic before his first drink—and you’ll hear exactly why. They hit everything: Borderline Personality Disorder, perfectionism, fear of failure, therapy myths, Enneagrams, hiding from your own family, the dangers of being “the smart kid,” and what sobriety really takes. Also: Jeff’s kid visited Afghanistan. For fun. That’s not a metaphor. And while the Bible and recovery stuff run deep, there’s still plenty of chaos, Chris’s sex life, shame jokes, and Trader Joe’s tears to go around. Timestamps include: 00:00 — Marco Bertorelli of Bertarelli Cutlery 03:17 — Meet Jeff: therapist, ex-drunk, accidental pastor 10:29 — Becoming a drunk despite a "perfect" life 25:07 — “I was an alcoholic before I took a drink” 30:43 — Borderline Personality Disorder gets real 41:17 — His son visits Afghanistan... because why not? 48:38 — Met wife in third grade. Cute, until the drinking. 53:07 — DIY detoxing while mom’s in the guest room 56:41 — The fifth of whiskey night 58:59 — Half-assing AA doesn't work (duh) 1:03:12 — Sponsorship & brutal honesty 1:14:15 — God, guilt, and post-bottle faith 1:23:01 — Jakob cries in Trader Joe’s 1:32:03 — Accountability: the real rehab 1:39:07 — Doing the work even when it sucks 1:47:11 — Why Jeff stays at IRC Sponsored by Illinois Recovery Center and Bertarelli CutleryPlayPlay S2 E22 Jeff Brenneman
• S2 E21 Chris and Angela SchenewerkJun 23, 2025 · 1 hr 45 minPondoff's Anonymous – Episode 21 Show Notes Who this episode is for: Anyone who woke up with a Great Dane puppy and no memory of ordering it The families still trying to love a tornado in human form Addicts who’ve checked into rehab more times than they can count (Angela’s got you beat) People in recovery, people out of recovery, people still circling the drain Folks not in recovery but who’ve ever made a mess of their life and are wondering, “Now what?” Chris and Jeff wrangle the now-married madness that is Angela and Dr. Chris Schenewerk —back for Round 3, but this time in the same damn room. And buckle up, because it gets unhinged in the best way. There’s a five-grand Great Dane bought during a blackout. Jellyfish revelations. Dead ducks. Rehab round twelve. Boobs paid for by Angela (not her husband, thank you very much). Grief, laughter, rage, and a recovery meeting started in a damn bowling alley. This episode’s a cocktail of chaos, clarity, and hard-won perspective. Recovery ain't a straight line—and this couple proves it’s still worth crawling the damn thing. Timestamp Breakdown 0:00 – Knife talk and sponsor shoutouts 2:00 – Angela and Dr. Chris together: Zeus the blackout puppy, John Wick the dog 5:00 – Angela’s animal kingdom: jellyfish, wood ducks, and regretful Amazon buys 10:00 – Clean Cause gets the spotlight (use code: PONDOFF for 20% off at cleancause.com ) 15:00 – Dr. Chris opens up about losing his brother and not drinking through it 20:00 – Angela breaks down 12 rehabs, chaos, and what finally clicked 25:00 – Kids and the wreckage they witness—Angela owns her side of the street 30:00 – The “Three Amigos” Friday AA meeting is born in a bowling alley 35:00 – Dr. Chris’s recovery workbook—text him, he’ll mail you a copy 40:00 – Sobriety labels are dumb—just do the work 45:00 – Pandemic recovery meetings, muting drunk people on Zoom 55:00 – Rehab myths, boobs, and doing the next right thing 1:00:00 – Jersey trauma, 9/11 aftermath, and losing Jimmy 1:10:00 – Bridging recovery at Memorial Hospital—pamphlets, meetings, hope 1:20:00 – Bird jokes, orchid addiction, prostate talk—classic chaos 1:30:00 – Remembering Brian Schenewerk,PlayPlay S2 E21 Chris and Angela Schenewerk
• S2 E20 The Science of Addiction | Pondoff's Anonymous x No Lions Here Crossover EpisodeJun 16, 2025 · 1 hr 5 minCrossover Chaos: The Science of Addiction Who this episode is for: Anyone who’s ever stared down their own addictions Families who don’t get why their loved one can’t “just stop” The “I’m not an addict, but I totally have addictive behaviors” crowd People obsessed with the science behind why their brains keep screwing them over Therapy nerds, recovery warriors, and dudes who need to get over being "too tough" to talk about emotions And of course — anyone who’s ever made a complete dumpster fire of their life 🎧 Crossover Chaos: The Science of Addiction — Jakob Miller x Big Panda This one’s a little different. Jakob Miller from Pondoff’s Anonymous links up with Alex “Big Panda” Kaiser for a crossover between Pondoff’s Anonymous and No Lions Here . It’s raw, unfiltered, and exactly what you’d expect when two recovering addicts sit down and try to explain the brain science behind addiction without sounding like nerdy scientists. Jakob breaks down his "Science of Addiction" class that he runs at Illinois Recovery Center — and finally records it for the masses. If you’ve ever sat in a treatment center, argued whether addiction is a disease, or wondered why you keep sabotaging your own life, this one’s for you. They cover it all: trauma, dopamine, irrational thinking, relapse symptoms, why triggers are a scam, and how to hack your own brain before it tricks you back into using. No sugarcoating. No bullshit. Just the real, uncomfortable truth about how addiction rewires your survival system and why emotional honesty might be the one thing that saves your life. 🧪 Resources Mentioned: Illinois Recovery Center — https://illinoisrecoverycenter.com No Lions Here Podcast — https://open.spotify.com/show/57389wCMh6z9aZgNqjgUSd?si=ffed6a42d19043c5 ⏱ Full Episode Breakdown: 0:00 — Intro & Crossover Explained 1:25 — Jakob's Science of Addiction class: origins & goals 5:00 — Breaking down the “disease” model: treatable, not curable 8:15 — Trauma vs. addiction: Jakob's personal story 14:00 — The switch theory: when addiction gets "turned on" 19:00 — The 4 key symptoms that predict relapse 25:00 — Obsession, self-centeredness, irrational thinking, compulsion: deep dive 32:00 — Dopamine 101: how the brain wires addiction as survival 38:30 — Functional MRI studies: your cravings vs starvation 44:00 — Cravings, urges, triggers: why most copingPlayPlay S2 E20 The Science of Addiction | Pondoff's Anonymous x No Lions Here Crossover Episode
• BONUS: Cristina Preston Re-ReleaseJun 9, 2025 · 2 hr 18 minPondoff’s Anonymous – Cristina Preston Episode Who this episode is for: Anyone outworking pain in the gym Folks from good homes who wrecked their lives People with pasts they swore they’d never share Anyone who’s felt like a fraud—addict or not Church kids hiding chaos behind smiles Chris is on a Staten Island ferry, pizza grease on his fingers, yelling at Lady Liberty and eating humble pie ‘cause the remote-record plan tanked. But that tech fail is your gain—because we’re re-dropping a raw convo with Cristina Preston : fitness model, news junkie, steroid-using bodybuilder, trafficking survivor, and miracle in motion. She leads Celebrate Recovery in Fenton, MO, but she’s lived the wreckage—bullying, self-harm, covering a school shooting, being trafficked during addiction, shady doctors, and a Vegas wedding that made her dad cry the wrong way. This one’s heavy and holy. Laugh. Cry. Throw a chair. Hug your mom. ⏱️ Full Timestamp Breakdown 00:00 – Ferry intro: busted tech & grandma’s 100th 01:50 – Why this is a re-release 03:20 – Goldberg tease: Ducks, meth, mayhem 04:05 – Cristina joins: war-tested & real 05:30 – How Chris found Cristina’s testimony 06:45 – Celebrate Recovery ain’t just AA 08:15 – Codependency, food, image issues 09:20 – Why “grateful believer” hits different 10:30 – Honesty over polish 11:15 – CR outnumbers Starbucks?! 12:20 – Church-run, same vibe everywhere 13:45 – Big lessons, big tears 14:50 – Pondoff talks real recovery spaces 16:05 – Why safe doesn’t mean soft 17:45 – Losing a dog in sobriety 20:00 – Sitting in pain instead of escaping 22:00 – Cristina’s “perfect” upbringing 23:30 – Bullying & broken stalls 25:30 – Before we knew “anxiety” 27:15 – The high-achieving mask 28:10 – Speech team nerd to newsroom 30:00 – Covering the NIU school shooting 32:45 – Trauma, Valentine’s, heartbreak 34:20 – Cancelled wedding, lost faith 36:50 – Panic attacks & silence 38:45 – Gym life as addiction in disguise 40:30 – Attention, abs, and adrenaline</liPlayPlay BONUS: Cristina Preston Re-Release
• S2 E19 Angela SchenewerkJun 2, 2025 · 2 hr 19 minWho this episode is for: • Anyone battling booze, burnout, or both • Moms hanging on by a thread with a wine glass in hand • Those who think “functioning alcoholic” means everything’s fine • Anyone who ever woke up and said, “How the hell did I get here?” • People not in recovery who’ve ever run from themselves and called it “freedom” Episode Title: "Closet Wine & Corporate Flights: Angela’s Fight for Herself" Angela Schenewerk shows up and blows the roof off. From Cahokia childhood to hidden booze bottles in adulthood, she takes us through what it’s like to lose yourself in motherhood, wine, work trips, and bad relationships—and still come crawling back with a pulse. This one’s got fake arrests, rehab denial, blackouts, stalking boyfriends, air mattresses with wine underneath, and the dangerous myth of “having it together.” It’s wild. It’s heavy. It’s very Pondoff’s Anonymous. Episode Timestamps: 00:00 - Bertarelli Cutlery shoutout & intro 🔪 01:26 - Angela enters the chat: Cahokia pride, first kisses & frozen rinks 🏒💋 05:01 - Bullied, broke & beloved: childhood chaos with JJ the underdog 👧💔 10:06 - Fake cops at a party, chipped teeth & her first wine cooler 🚓🍷 15:33 - Marriage, the bar biz, and wine as a coping strategy 🥂🏗️ 20:48 - Work trips = escape hatch: hotel drinking begins 🏨🍾 25:57 - Freedom or isolation? India trip blurs the line 🇮🇳😶‍🌫️ 30:39 - Skipping a wedding to drink alone: the addict’s choice 👰🚫 35:14 - Closet wine rituals, motherhood pressure & boxed denial 🧃🧠 39:58 - Bottles hidden everywhere, vodka refilled with water 💧🍸 44:15 - The trash bag moment: caught red-handed & broken 🗑️😵 45:41 - Rehab round one: denial, comparison & zero humility 🚫🏥 50:03 - Apartment after the split: air mattress, no furniture, lots of wine 🛏️🍷 54:17 - Trying to drink “normally” and failing fast 🌀📉 56:40 - Enter: the GPS-tracking boyfriend & Punta Cana chaos 📍🌴 01:01:19 - Alcohol over everything—even all-inclusives & love 💔🍺 01:03:33 - Stood him up for Cabo so she could drink freely at home ✈️🏠 01:06:08 - Hacked emails, blackmail & rock bottom behavior 💻🕳️ 01:09:44 - Drinking before the kids woke up & donut-lie mornings 🍩🥃 01:14:27 - From motherhood to misery: drinking to function 👩‍👦‍👦💀 01:18:56 - Rehab roulette: detox, flights, and every excuse in the book 🎢✈️ 01:22:35 - Still not ready to stop. Still not done breaking her own heart ⏳💣 01:26:47 - Final reflections: lost dreams, missed weddings & brutal truth 🪞🧨 Angela Schenewerk – Mom, ex-wife, closet drinker, blackout flyer, and survivor with a mic. This is the kind of episode you share with someone who's still out there, hiding it all and thinking nobody sees them. AngelaPlayPlay S2 E19 Angela Schenewerk
• S2 E18 Christopher Schenewerk, M.D.May 26, 2025 · 1 hr 50 minWho this episode is for: Anyone who thinks addiction can't touch high-achieving professionals 🧠💉 People who think "functioning alcoholic" is a badge of honor 🥃🏆 Those stalling on help because \"work is too busy\" 🏃‍♂️📅 Anyone who's survived a brutal divorce 💔 Healthcare workers, therapists & rehab skeptics 🩺🧪 Family members who don’t get why their addicted loved one keeps spiraling 😔👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 People NOT in recovery but know they’re circling the drain 🚨🌀 Dr. Chris Schenewerk is in the building. And if you think doctors are immune to the wreckage addiction brings, buckle the hell up. Chris, Jakob & (a Jeff-less) Pondoff dive into a no-holds-barred convo with the Medical Director of Illinois Recovery Center —who also happens to be a recovering alcoholic with one hell of a story. From vodka before work & blacking out mid-interviews to meeting his now-wife in rehab & launching a recovery movement across Southern Illinois, Dr. Chris drops wisdom & one-liners like it’s second nature. This episode is raw. It’s real. It’s redemption in action. 🔥 We hit everything: colonoscopy prep as a diet plan, trauma in kids, why "functioning addict" is bullshit, & how the Three Amigos AA group grew from four in the back of a doctor’s office to 50+ strong at Life Community Church in Columbia, IL. Oh, & don’t worry—dude still remembers Halloween riots at Carbondale. 🎃💥 Highlights: The look in the mirror that scared him sober 👀 Checking into rehab instead of waiting for an intervention 🚑 Why Angela’s 12th rehab stay was the one that stuck 💪 Letting go of a dream home for an 800 sq ft apartment & a new life 🏚️➡️🏠 Building a recovery group where loved ones, doctors, students & misfits all get a seat at the table 🪑❤️ Get ready for a mix of heartbreak, laughter, truth bombs & a whole lotta hope. 💣💬✨ Timestamps: 00:00 - Bertarelli Cutlery shoutout & intro 🔪 01:23 - Dr. Chris Schenewerk joins the chaos 👋 03:00 - Colonoscopy prep & weight loss dreams 💩💭 05:07 - Sober date & first (only) rehab 🗓️🍷 06:09 - Meeting Angela in rehab 💞 08:40 - War stories vs. character defects 💥⚙️ 11:38 - His kids were sponges absorbing the wreckage 🧽👶 13:42 - The trauma that never leaves kids 😢 15:20 - Divorce, drinking & blame 🥃💔 19:15 - Functioning alcoholic is a lie 🚫🍻 21:50 - Blood alcohol levels & reality checks 🧪🧠 26:06 - Interview gone wrong & mirror moment 🪞😨 29:30 - Checked in before the intervention could happen 🙏 31:36 - Why he refused the \"doctor-only\" rehab 🩺🚷 35:26 - Humility is the key to first-time success 🙇‍♂️🔑 39:01 - Angela's old bar used to be his watering hPlayPlay S2 E18 Christopher Schenewerk, M.D.
• S2 E17 Victory Palmisano-BrucknerMay 19, 2025 · 1 hr 32 minGuest: Victory Palmisano-Bruckner – Hollywood Producer, Stunt Industry Survivor, and Daughter of a Vietnam Vet/Addict Who this episode is for: Anyone with an alcoholic parent or a complicated grief story Daughters who loved their dads even when it hurt Folks haunted by the war they never fought in Survivors of church trauma, spiritual abuse, and Hollywood bullshit Creatives chasing their own IP dream (and still broke) Anyone who’s ever loved someone they couldn’t save AND anyone not in recovery who thinks “just stop drinking” is solid advice This one hits the gut and the funny bone in equal measure. Victory Palmisano-Bruckner stops by the studio for a raw, hilarious, and soul-punching convo with Chris, Jeff, and Jakob. She may be Hollywood through and through—raised on sets, daughter of a legendary stuntman turned director—but she’s also as grounded as a St. Louis brick house and just as scarred. Her story is soaked in love and loss. Growing up the daughter of a Vietnam vet and lifelong alcoholic who doubled as a real-life action hero, Victory paints a brutal but beautiful picture of what it means to carry the legacy of a man who could survive car crashes, war, and fire—but not himself. There’s talk of strip club scouting (for a low-budget film, we swear), the trauma of church camp cults, daddy issues, and how alcoholism shape-shifts through generations. She helped her dad detox in her damn living room , only to watch him go back to the bottle. She buried him a year and a half ago. He was in the In Memoriam at the Oscars. Big time. You’ll laugh. You’ll ugly cry. You might want to call your dad. Or curse his name. Or both. Also: Chris drops one-liners like “flop a titty out” that are now canon in the Palmisano family. Jeff nerds out on stunt IMDBs. Jakob gets exposed as ChatGPT-ing guests. And Victory, despite growing up in the biz, reveals her realest role ever—daughter of an addict, and survivor of it all. Episode Timestamps: 00:00 – Intro, sponsor shoutouts 01:25 – Victory joins the chaos 03:00 – Stunt double stories, Hollywood roots 08:00 – Her path into podcasting, NBC Universal 10:00 – Church trauma & leaving evangelicalism 13:00 – Titty jokes, family legends 15:00 – Launching Quantum Spin Studios 19:00 – Husband’s script: Sopranos meets This Is Us 22:00 – Her dad’s legacy: stunt safety & SAG activism 28:00 – Oscar’s stunt category & grief spike 33:00 – Vietnam trauma, PTSD, and substance abuse 38:00 – Alec Baldwin, stunts, and industry danger 41:00 – ACA & Al-Anon, stripPlayPlay S2 E17 Victory Palmisano-Bruckner
• S2 E16 Kurt GarnerMay 12, 2025 · 2 hr 3 minWho this episode is for: Those gutted by playoff heartbreak. Anyone who’s blacked out and called mom from jail. Teachers who taught Spanish while sweating out tequila. The sober curious, the secret drinkers, and the still spiraling. And anyone who’s ever run from a strip club tab and lived to tell it. EPISODE 16: “Señor Tequila & the Long Walk Home” (with Kurt Garner) Chris and Jakob are emotionally wrecked. The Blues blew it with 1.6 seconds left. Enter Kurt Garner—a guy who once taught elementary Spanish still buzzed from the night before. From blackouts and breakups to a Mexican strip club escape, Kurt’s story is wild, hilarious, and brutally honest. Now four years sober, he’s up at 3 a.m., hitting the gym, and helping others tell their stories through mysoundstory.com . What’s Inside: – Blues trauma, 1.6 seconds of hell – Dating apps, tequila-fueled teaching – DUI and a jail call to mom – Mexico, 75 Hard, and recovery – Finding purpose with SoundStory Plug: 🎙️ Kurt Garner – Co-host of TMA and contributor at mysoundstory.com 📍 Timestamp Breakdown: 00:00 – Intro – bertarellico.com 01:20 – Blues heartbreak 02:30 – Gretzky & goalie PTSD 05:00 – Meet Kurt 08:00 – Hate-watching hockey 11:00 – Soccer & Cardinals 13:00 – Sober dating 15:50 – Putshack dates 18:00 – Señor Tequila opens up 23:20 – First drink to DUI 30:00 – Jail call & car wreck 33:00 – Tequila Rose chaos 39:00 – Teaching blackout 43:00 – Divorce, denial 47:00 – Mexico escape 53:00 – Spanish saves him 55:00 – 75 Hard begins 58:00 – Gym & routine 01:06:00 – Addiction patterns 01:10:00 – Fired, freed 01:14:00 – Building SoundStory 01:27:00 – Storytelling & legacy 01:36:00 – Radio chaos 01:47:00 – Family purpose 02:00:00 – 4 years sober 02:02:00 – Share your story Sponsored by: 🔪 bertarellico.com 🏥 illinoisrecoverycenter.comPlayPlay S2 E16 Kurt Garner
• S2 E15 Cam JanssenMay 5, 2025 · 1 hr 27 min🎙️ EPISODE 15: Cam Janssen – "Painkillers, Playoffs & Garth Fucking Brooks" Who this episode is for: Anyone who’s ever played hurt, lived high, or faked being fine Moms who can smell bullshit before you open your mouth Blues fans screaming “LET’S GO!” and flipping off Winnipeg Kids who grew up begging to stay on the ice till the Zamboni chased ‘em off Those who overdosed in front of their neighbors and somehow kept it moving Anyone who’s ever made a mess of their life Cam Janssen rolls into the studio with a story that’ll punch you right in the soul. What starts off as some rowdy playoff hockey talk turns real fast—like, real real—when Cam dives into the wreckage of his painkiller addiction. We’re talking overdoses in his driveway while the whole neighborhood watches. We’re talking hiding withdrawal in a pro locker room while pretending to be the funny guy. We’re talking about being a “good” drug user—that dangerous kind who keeps functioning just enough to not get help. But it ain’t all darkness. There’s a lot of laughs, too—like Garth Brooks accidentally storming the ice during a charity game and nearly getting murdered. And Cam’s dad eating a hot dog thrown by a pissed-off fan, then chucking it back into the crowd like a savage. There’s locker room stories, childhood fights, recovery truths, and some absolute mayhem from the Blues’ playoff run. Oh, and we get deep into what it means to actually show up—for your teammates, for your city, and for yourself. And major love to the St. Louis Blues Warriors —a team of badass disabled veterans taking names and scoring goals. Cam drops stories about getting hacked up by those guys and loving every second of it. If you're in STL, support them or just go watch ’em throw down: 👉 www.stlblueswarriorhockey.com If you’ve ever been addicted, ever been broken, or ever been almost famous while absolutely falling apart inside—this one’s for you. 🕒 TIMESTAMPS: 00:00 – Intro & sponsor shoutouts 01:08 – Show theme music kicks in 01:22 – Cam joins the chaos 01:28 – Jersey number talk and mid-convo nonsense 01:43 – “Always on hot bitches”—Cam lets loose early 02:10 – Law & Order, Dell Guy, and guest rankings 03:17 – From podcasting to radio to color commentary 04:11 – Garth Brooks walks on the ice mid-play (yes, really) 06:36 – Scoring 4 goals instead of throwing fists 07:59 – Blues beatdown of the Jets: full breakdown 10:29 – “You can’t get traded to Winnipeg” 12:47 – Blues defense is buzzing 14:02 – Bonuses, the cap, and nerding out on contract math 16:19 – Packed barns, playoff energy, and money flying 18:30 – MontrealPlayPlay S2 E15 Cam Janssen